Not again
**CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains suicidal thoughts that may be triggering to survivors.**
Some time later
Adea
Every day that passed could be the day he would throw my door open and save me. Every night that welcomed me could be the night that he charged the castle with his men. I looked at the mirror, but didn’t look at my face. I kept my eyes locked on my hair. The tension mixed with excitement buzzed through the air.
I failed to remember how many days had passed since the night Alpha found me in his mate’s room. I vanquished the memories of that night and the nights that followed. Beta had been by my side. The moment I started to lean on him, Alpha… Alpha… No bad thoughts, no evil thoughts, not today. Tension mixed with excitement as it buzzed through the air. I fought and failed to stop my leg from bouncing.
Butterflies threatened to break loose as they fluttered against my stomach. Their need to get out matched my own. The only difference is my nails had splintered and cracked from trying to claw my way out. I was trying not to count how long I’d been waiting, or how much time had passed since I’d received his note. The sun was beginning to set and I wondered if tonight would be another night that he wouldn’t show.
I stared out the windows, my only tie to the outside world. My throat constricted in panic as I worried what would happen if Alpha found out. My mind began to doubt and my heart thumped wildly in my chest. He wouldn’t let me down, not again. What would keep him from breaking his promise again? He’d done it night after night for how many days, weeks, months. However much time had passed. I needed him to come today, I needed to believe he wouldn’t disappoint me, not today.
He wouldn’t hurt me, not again.
The alternative was something I didn’t want to think about. My eyes trailed up the walls to the ceiling. I wouldn’t be able to handle it, I couldn’t, not another night. No, please, not that. He would be here, he wouldn’t do that to me, he wouldn’t disappoint me. I stood to my feet, the chain around my ankle clinked together.
It bit into my skin to remind me I was trapped here, to this room. It was for my safety, it burned when I walked, but it was a feeling I was used to. Would he hate the marred skin that would never heal beneath the metal?
My eyes locked on the tree branch outside my window, I stared at it as the sun continued to set. I could see the colors in my peripheral vision. Memories of all the times I thought he had come to get me only to be disappointed when I found Alpha there.
He was my only option, albeit not a very promising one now that the sun had almost disappeared beneath the horizon, but he was my only option. He was the only reason why I continued existing. If I didn’t cling to him, or to his promise I don’t know what would happen.
He would keep me safe. As soon as he made it here, he wouldn’t let him touch me and we could run away together. The way things always should have been, the way things should have been in the beginning, as they should have been that night we—A voice cackled from the other side of the locked door. It remained that way from sunrise to sunset. I wasn’t allowed visitors, but I knew who it was, there was only one person who visited me before the sun set. My keeper was here to rub it in.
“Dear Sister, the sun is about to set,” Ava cooed.
Her voice was sweet but the intent behind her words dripped with poison. I froze where I sat, I held my breath as I wracked my brain. The cycle of fear I felt every night struck me. There was no way she knew, there was no way she had an inkling of what I planned. Paranoia was making me anxious, more so than usual. The nerves were taking a toll on me and making me think the worst.
I could clearly see her smug look on the other side of the door. Never had I hated someone so much. I believe it was her jealousy that made her so bitter. She had been so desperate for his attention, but a part of me wondered if apart of the appeal was because he was “mine”. I cannot believe I ever saw her as someone I could talk to, as someone who cared, as… family. It made me sick. I didn’t belong here, she knew, he knew. Everyone knew and yet I was forced to stay here and live with my truth day in and day out. I was forced to stay chained like an animal to a bed, visited at night for breeding because my womb was all that mattered to him.
After our loss, I had changed and he couldn’t control me. He said I’d lost a grip on reality, but I clearly knew my reality. I saw things for how they were and because I couldn’t escape the prison that was my life, I could not be controlled. I couldn’t be forced into a box that was too small. He hated that he couldn’t bend me to his will, he hated that I didn’t fight back, he hated that I wasn’t who I used to be.
I’ve been locked here since I saw her, I’ve been trapped here to ensure I don’t do anything that can’t be undone. Something like throwing myself from the highest tower. I giggled. How silly of them. They wanted to keep me from throwing myself from the highest tower, but then they locked me in the highest tower. The irony was not lost on me.
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