Saved
**CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains suicidal thoughts that may be triggering to survivors.**
No.
Not today.
Stay focused, stay alert.
I’m slipping and I said I wasn’t going to do that today.
He was coming and I couldn’t be unaware.
I had to be as much myself as possible.
I don’t even know if I still remembered how…
He was coming and he would save me.
I’ve been here for so long I can’t even remember how long its been. My concept of time was lost and I didn’t bother keeping track. I knew not knowing. As much as he tried, as often as he came into my room, I never forgot his touch, his caress, his love. He may have hurt me, but the pain was good, the pain was something I remember wanting, it was something I remember liking. I trusted him and he never gave me anything I couldn’t handle. Sometimes I wondered if it was all real, if it had been real, if he had been real.
Sometimes I wondered if I made him all up and I had gone insane a long time ago.
No, that wasn’t a thing. It made me sad to think that we never really had any time. If we had a little more time, we could have had the chance to see how far it could have gone, how far we could have gone. If we had left, turned our back on everything and ran away, would we have been happy? Would I have been enough? No, I shouldn’t think about any of that. Those things don’t matter anymore because he was coming for me. He hadn’t abandoned me, he wasn’t going to leave me here. He wasn’t going to leave me alone, never again.
He promised.
No matter how much time Alpha spent with me, I would not be brainwashed. I would not forget, I would not be broken, and I would never forget the love I had. I would not pin it on insanity, I would never forget… The love I felt had been real and the bond I shared with my true mate, the one I chose, was burned into my memory. It wasn’t a bond that needed to be felt through the will of the Goddess, it was something he chose. No, it was something I chose, something we chose despite the odds, despite destiny. I waited and I’ll continue to wait for him.
Every night that I had to spend under Alpha was like another stab in the heart. I gritted my teeth, lay back, spread my legs and remained quiet while he rode me hour after hour, night after night. When he was done he would ask me how it was if I liked it as if I had a choice, as if my opinion mattered. It’s like he actually expected me to nod and say thank you. I felt nothing, no tingles, no lust, no love for the Alpha but I looked into his eyes and lied. He could see right through me, knew he couldn’t trust me, but his obsession wouldn’t allow him to acknowledge it. He’d cost me almost everything.
Every day that I heard stories of their undying love and every day I spent under the same roof as my mate’s sister had led to this day. Every day I prayed I didn’t end up full with his child was a day I called a success. If he came for me tonight, no, when he came for me tonight it would have all been worth it. Staying in this world, staying under the same sky, the same moon as him would have been worth it if it meant I had him in the end.
A key jingled, reminding my sister was at the door, and I could taste the stomach acid on my tongue. My gaze darted to the window, the sun had finally set, and the moon smiled at me in the night sky.
Why was she here?
Did he know?
Had I been found out?
Had he gotten caught?
My heart was racing a mile a minute as the door creaked open. My sister stood in a beautiful opal-colored dress, her hair falling down her back in one large braid. Brown eyes that matched mine stared down at me, they lacked warmth, as did mine. Her lips formed a bitter line as she threw a cloak on the ground. It was a deep violet and had gold running along the seams.
The contents of my stomach threatened to come up. I slid my gaze back up to meet hers as I waited for her to give me my instructions for the night. My stomach dropped at the knowledge that he hadn’t come on time. Ava had arrived and my evening schedule started now. The chances that he would come for me now were slim and tears pricked the corners of my eyes. She glared at me and folded her arms in front of her chest, clearly crossed.
“Daddy wants you to wear this,” Ava hissed.
I cringed at the nickname. I didn’t have anything against it, but I did when it came from her lips. He was no father figure to us, he wasn’t even old enough to be our dad, yet she insisted on calling him that. She went as far as to act as a child when they weren’t playing.
She shook her head and glared at me as she impatiently waited for me to get up. This was her favorite part, watching me lower myself to pick up what she’d discarded, and then made me undress. Rising to my feet, I cocked my head to the side as I walked toward the material on the floor. Lowering myself, I picked it up and held it in front of me.
“He doesn’t want you to wear anything underneath it tonight. You know what will happen if you disobey him, don’t you? I shouldn’t have to explain it to you, but if you need me to, I can,” Ava said dismissively.
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