Exposed
**CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains suicidal thoughts that may be triggering to survivors.**
This wasn’t the first time he made demands regarding my wardrobe. I usually had to undress after we were alone. I would assume the submissive position or set myself where he wanted. Looking down at the only clothing I would be wearing tonight, I grimaced. I suppose it could be a lot worse. He could have me walk there completely in the nude. The front didn’t have any buttons or a tie to cover my body, so I would be exposed. Exposed, but still covered. I nodded my understanding before looking up at her.
“Is this where you prefer me, sister?” I taunted. She glared down her nose at me, a small smirk pulling at the corner of her lip. She enjoyed seeing me down here, on the ground, beneath her. My eyes widened and a small smile pulled at my lips as I rose to my feet.
I stopped looking to my sister before I came to Alpha’s packhouse. I wish I had realized sooner and pushed her away earlier. Goddess, had I known, I would have tortured her before. No, I giggled, that’s not how I was before. I shook my head and stared at her.
When she showed up, it still managed to surprise me, but I should have known better. Not only did she not help me escape, but she ratted me out for even asking. I’d gone so far as telling her I would help her, but she quickly reminded me that I was in no position to help anyone. I couldn’t even help myself. Her words stuck with me.
It was funny how I once cared for her. I remember crying myself to sleep because of her. I don’t know how many times I considered ending it all, but I couldn’t. Not when I knew he was out there waiting for me. Especially not when I knew he was coming for me. He was the one reason I never followed through.
I made sure not to show signs of thinking about it. If Alpha knew I wanted to kill myself, he would lock me up, chain me to the bed. I wouldn’t be able to so much as step off of the bed. He’d lock me up and throw away the key. He could never know, he could never understand that I wasn’t that selfish. I could never leave my mate alone in this world. I feared he would follow me in death and I couldn’t have that.
I may have been trapped in here during the day, but by night I was allowed out. I could roam around when others could not see me. I wasn’t the only one who had changed the last few months. Alpha had also, he had become more obsessed. I had once wondered if that was possible, but he had proven to me that it was. No one was allowed to see me and he made it to where no one else could.
Ava shifted onto her other foot, her hand on her hip. I’d forgotten that I was staring her down. I scoffed and my eyes grew wider, as did my smile. Friends? Handmaidens? Family? Other than Ava, I only had Alpha, and he liked it this way. She was the only one allowed to step foot into this room now. All of the handmaidens had been dismissed or reassigned. No one was allowed near my tower at night. Alpha said it was because I belonged to him and my beauty was meant for him and him alone. I giggled again and covered my mouth. Hadn’t he seen me?
I… was disgusting.
My smile faltered and I closed my lips. I said I wasn’t going to do this today. Alpha and I, we both knew the truth, the three of us did. He didn’t want my mate to sneak in, he didn’t want us to see each other, and he didn’t want me getting anymore letters. He didn’t want to risk the chance of me escaping.
“I’ll get ready,” I choked out as I gripped the violet material in my hand.
“We don’t have a ll night. I’ll be waiting for you in the hall. He had a bad day and has been on me to come get you. The two of us will pleasure him tonight. As soon as you have a child, we won’t need you anymore,” Ava spat.
She threw the key down on the vanity. I knew the words weren’t true, but they still struck me. I hadn’t grown full will child since… before. As much as the thought of freedom made me… feel a sense of happiness, we both knew he would never let me go. I wondered if she really believed her words. Alpha didn’t only want me for children, he wanted me. We both knew this, but she’d somehow lied to herself so much she now believed her own lie.
I watched as she turned away from me. The intricate way her hair weaved over and under into a loose braid as she walked out of the door. When it slammed closed, I dropped the cloak onto the black tufted chair. I would take this as a small victory. I didn’t have to undress under her watching eyes.
Turning from the door, I avoided looking into the mirror as I readied myself. Before I discarded every article of clothing , I stared out at the world outside of my window. The moon was high in the sky and I sighed. If he never came for me, the last thing I wanted to see was the bright moon before I hit the ground.
I shrugged off the thought and grabbed the key off of the vanity. I bent in half as I unlocked the chain around each ankle one at a time. With a slight tremor in my fingers, I pulled the royal blue ribbon at the top of my corset until the knot untied and I felt the first buckle loosen.