Another day
**CONTENT WARNING: This chapter contains suicidal thoughts and violence that may be triggering to survivors.**
I was to always wear a corset in the event that Alpha stopped by during the day. I began to loosen the rest of them and my breasts popped free as the corset fell to my sides. Reaching up, I pulled the thin strap that held it to my body. My breasts pebbled from the cool air. I took a deep breath as it fell to my hips, the only thing left to do was pull my arms out of the off-shoulder sleeves.
It fell to the ground and I stared at the intricate blue and light pink flowers that stared back up at me. When I’d discarded every article of clothing, I wrapped the cloak around my shoulders. I reached up and pulled the ribbon, it loosened, and my hair fell in curls down my back.
He told me he would be here…
He told me he’d come for me…
He said he was coming…
The anger I had stomped down was resurfacing. Was it normal for me to hate the person that was also my reason for living? His letter had said one thing and his actions said another. I didn’t look out the window this time. I felt defeated. I dropped my chin and focused on the cold floors. The intricate gold designs matched the ribbons. My fingers danced across them and my breath came out shuttered.
The mask I’d been holding onto was slipping. Gripping the material, I took a step forward. Goosebumps broke out all over my body as the cool air in the room danced around my body. Disappointment flooded me, but I couldn’t find it in me to cry. Tears didn’t prickle the corners of my eyes and a sob didn’t fall from my lips.
Another night of him not showing, but I wasn’t surprised. Why did I do this to myself? This was my life. The sooner I came to terms with this… the easier it would be. Or maybe I had already come to terms with it and I lied to myself day in and day out as a way to cope. I scoffed. I was a fool to think it could be any other way. I just needed to submit and give up on my dream. I needed to give him up.
Could I?
So much time has passed and I’m no closer to escaping. I could feel myself start to spiral, but I truly believed today was my last day here. I had fooled myself into believing my own lie. Maybe Ava and I weren’t so different after all. Another failed plan, another day where my dreams were shattered, another night of trying to hold onto something that wasn’t ever going to happen.
I wanted to be free.
I wanted to escape.
I wanted…
As the images of being bent over the bed for him, hands gripping sheets, and the sounds of his pleasure crossed my mind my fingers began to shake violently. My body convulsed, the floor gave out beneath me, and my throat constricted. I gripped my throat as I gasped; desperate for a breath of air. Another night of being under him when I had pictured this night going so differently.
The desperation grew and grew until it began to twist around itself. I wanted to run. I felt as if I were drowning and there was nothing I could do. I reached out and grasped the foot of the bed. Eventually I got a few lungfuls of air and my heart rate slowed. I straightened my back and stood on my feet. I didn’t bother to wrap my arms around myself, I didn’t try to hide my body, it would only excite him.
I wouldn’t run, I wouldn’t fight, I wouldn’t react. He loved a fight, he loved seeing me in any state other than an emotionless puppet. I’d learned my lesson, I knew how he ticked. I wouldn’t give him that, I wouldn’t make it enjoyable for him. He already took what he wanted from me at his leisure, I wouldn’t do that. He always kissed me after, as if we had done something sweet, and I think I found that more disgusting than the rape.
He whispered promises he didn’t know how to keep. Alpha believed what he wanted and I wouldn’t say anything to dispel his irrational thinking. It was pointless. An angry Alpha only made things worse. I knew what that was like and I didn’t want that.
I started for the door, my hand froze on the see-through crystal vintage doorknob and I pulled it open before I could scare myself. Ava was leaning against the brick wall, her head turned to me as I walked out, and her eyes trailed down my body.
My face was devoid of emotion, which was the opposite of hers. Disgust, anger, and jealousy flashed in her eyes but she didn’t say a word. She turned her nose up into the air and turned from me. If Alpha hadn’t been waiting for me this would have been the perfect time to hit her over the head and run.
The corner of my lip twitched at the thought. I already knew there wasn’t any use in trying anything. He would soon come looking for me and I didn’t have any hope of outrunning him. He would catch up to me and there would be hell to pay. No, I knew better. I just needed to get through tonight. Tomorrow was another thing and I— There was a flash of movement and I jumped back as Ava cried out.
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