Chapter 140
Once the door is open, I drag my feet upstairs, on my way, Snow tries to jump on me but I gently push him away with my foot and walk past him to my room. My mind is so busy creating worse scenarios that could have happened back there when everyone walks into my room and they find me seated on my bed.
I glance at the alarm clock on my nightstand and it reads 2am. I sigh heavily.
"Kyrah... I'm really sorry for what happened tonight. But I'm not sorry for damaging his face," Scott says nonchalantly.
"And I'm not sorry either, Sabrina deserved it... I think we should all get some rest, we've had a long night," Roxy adds.
"Uhm... I think I'll crash on the couch downstairs tonight, you can go to my house if you wish, Vic," Scott tells Vic who shakes his head.
"I'll crash on the other couch. I know we all care about her and I also want to be here for her," he tells Scott who nods.
From afar, I hear thunder and I turn to look outside the window and I see lightning flashing. I want to run outside and yell all this pain out.
My friends try to talk to me, but I think I've gone mute and deaf. I can't even hear a word they're saying, I can only see their mouths moving. All I hear is Sabrina's laugh.
When they finally give up, Scott and Vic leave my room. Roxy, surprisingly, wipes my makeup off.
"Will you take a shower?" she asks and I shake my head.
"Okay, well atleast change your outfit, I'll get you your Pj's," she says. When she hands them to me, she leaves to go and shower and I pull off the red dress slowly and drop it on the floor. I pick my Pj's, wear them and drop myself on the bed and I fall asleep. I don't know for how long I've been sleeping but I'm woken up by very loud thunder and the sound of rain droplets tapping my window rhythmically. Roxy is right beside me, sound asleep. I check the time and it's only 4am. I sigh and leave my bed and I head to stand at the window, slightly pushing aside the curtains to get a view of the dark clouds.
The raindrops trickle down the window and I wonder how they'd feel on my skin right now. There's a heaviness that's occupied my entire body and I just want it gone. I feel like ripping my heart out with my bare hands and throwing it away. But that's something that could only happen in cartoons.
A flashback of Blake's bloody and swollen face flashes across my mind, how he was begging to talk to me, Scott smashing his nose, Roxy jumping on to Sabrina and my fist slamming into Sabrina's jaw.
What a cursed year this is.
What did I ever do to deserve this? Blake was the second boyfriend in my life and I thought he truly was the one, but things didn't go as I thought they would. I still can't believe it.
A tear flows down my cheek as the feeling of betrayal takes over. I hate Sabrina. I hate her with all my heart, why can't she just die? Why?
With my thoughts on Sabrina, my fists curve into tight balls and my finger nails dig extremely deep into my palms as I sob quietly, so as not to wake Roxy up. The pain is unbearable but I continue to tighten my fists and when I lift them up, blood is oozing out of the deep crescents formed by my nails.
This year there's nothing I've been wanting more than to die everytime something bad happened and death itself has been close by. Too close. Honestly I swear, Blake is like a pill. But instead of making me better, he keeps makes me ill. I guess the universe gave me a wrong prescription then.
With my eyes on my bloody palms, I turn away from the window and I look up to face the door in the dark room, the only light coming from the frequent lightning. My numbness is getting worse and I just want to leave this house, so I walk quietly, bare feet on the cold tiled floor and head downstairs.
As I walk past the living room, I turn around and spot Scott and Vic sleeping on different couches. The lights are still on and they still have the clothes they were in at the party, only that Vic isn't wearing his coat and Scott's shirt is halfway open. Vic looks peaceful but Scott is wearing a frown on his face. I sigh and open the door, shutting it carefully behind me as I step onto the porch and stare at the wet lawn and the heavy rain.
Maybe the rain will soothe me, calm my nerves, maybe it'll make me smile.
I walk to the middle of the lawn and I drop to my knees as I let out a shrill cry. The rain drenches my clothes and hair in seconds, but I love it. I wanted the numbness to go away but now I don't. I want to be numb forever.
I begin sobbing in the rain, feeling helpless and hopeless. Lot's of questions streaming into my mind and when I scream the loudest I fall on the wet lawn and lie there breathless. Waiting for whatever or whoever may decide to come for me, whether a person, my dog or death, I'll be okay with any.
The stinging cold droplets of rain have no mercy on me, and the rain gets even heavier, but I don't dare to move. My entire body has already become frozen.
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