Chapter 59
Once dinner is served, at the dining table everyone is laughing at Mr. Johnson's jokes except me. I want to smash my plate in his face to make him shut up. He's annoying, just like his wife and daughter.
Right now I am seated next to Sabrina, eyeing my plate of mashed potatoes and chicken. I've been playing around with the fork instead of eating and Sabrina has been looking at me underneath low lashes.
Under the table, her foot entwines with mine and I feel like throwing up. Without warning I slam my fists on the table and stand up, infuriated.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" I look at Sabrina, "All of you... Look at you, sitting here as if nothing ever happened. Trying to force things when it's clear nothing will ever be straightened out!" Everyone stares at me, "I'm done!" I take out my phone from my pocket and before I can type anything to Kyrah, my mother slams the device off my hand and it lands on the floor noisily.
"What is wrong with you, Blake?" she asks and I wince. She's got a look of disgust on her face.
"Same question, right back at yah!" I hiss as I begin moving from the table.
"Bollocks! Sit down this instant!" she orders, her pointy index finger pointing at my chair.
"Who's the one using bad words now, huh?" I raise my brow at her and her fists curve into balls and before she speaks, my phone starts ringing from where it is on the floor and my dad takes it, stares at the screen. I am breathing heavily now, my heart is pounding. I know it's Kyrah calling.
"You will apologize to everyone and you will sit down and have a decent conversation with Sabrina. That is not a request," my dad says and sits down. He places the phone next to him. It keeps ringing every half an hour. I know if I dare to grab that darn phone, or even leave this house, all hell will break loose.
Sabrina gets a call and moves out of the room to answer. She never comes back and I feel relieved.
When I check the time, it's 10PM. Kyrah and her friends must have gone home. She probably thinks I stood her up. Fuck! I should have left with the driver to pick her up. That way, I'd have never seen my parents or the Johnsons.
I have messed up big time... Again!
Once the guests leave. I head to my room and sit on the bed. I rake my fingers through my hair as I dial Kyrah.
She doesn't pick up. So I slam my fist into the wall. The pain coursing its way up my arm and I hiss.
She hates me now more than ever, I know it. She thinks I'm playing around with her but I'm not.
***
Kyrah's POV
He keeps calling me every minute but I've been ignoring his calls, since yesterday. Why is he even calling me? He stood me up last night and my friends witnessed it. It felt so embarrassing honestly. Even right now my heart hurts. How could he do this to me seriously? What did I do to deserve this? Was he with Sabrina? Or with other girls in his jacuzzi again?
The thought of his bright smile when he apologized flashes through my mind and a tear that I didn't expect falls down my red cheeks.
"Hey, are you sure you want to go to class today?" Scott slows down the car to a stop.
I don't want to look at him right now, I feel pathetic. Every time something tragic happens to me, I'm always running to him. I better learn how to handle my shit, put my shit together and learn to be a fighter. But right now I doubt I'll make it through the first lecture.
As I face outside the window, my throat tightens and goes dry. I feel like my lungs are shrinking, slowly turning into tiny balls. I'm struggling not to let Scott know I can't breath. Again, I don't have my inhaler.
Seconds later I am gasping for air like I'm under water trying to get to the surface. He takes off his seat belt and mine and then with those scared gunmetal blue eyes on me, he lifts me up from my seat and on to his lap.
"Where's your inhaler?" he asks and I shake my head and let him know I don't have it.
I can't breathe.
My heart hurts and so do my lungs. If this is my time Lord, let me die. I'm always so close to dying anyway. Each time I can't breathe, maybe one day I'll just get out of breath and die. Everything goes blurry but I can hear him.
He's holding me close to him like a child.
"Kyrah, listen to me. No, no, no! Don't you dare pass out on me. Listen to me. You need to breathe. Breathe, Kyrah, breathe! Try to calm yourself," he begs.
He holds up my chin as I am wheezing, his face is blurry. He places me up right against his chest, with my feet in between his, such that he's facing my back and I am facing the windscreen.
"Take long deep breaths and try not to think of anything that's wrong. Think happy thoughts, now breathe with me. In... Out... In... Out. Good, again. In... Out... In..."
I follow his lead and with time my muscles relax and I can breathe again. Fresh fucking air. I lay my head on his chest, amazed at how easy that was. He holds me closer now and I don't resist. When he looks at me he smiles a beautiful smile, a smile that seems to hold alot but I just can't tell what it is.
"I'm sorry," I mumble, sniffling loudly.
"For what?" he whispers, looking at me deep into my eyes.
"I just... I never seem to know how to help myself. I'm always in trouble and every time you're always there when I come to you. The truth is, my life wasn't like this last year. I never got these attacks this much. These days trouble and tragedy follows me. It's like I'm a walking grenade and when bad things happen I explode and you always end up being hurt... One way or another. Like when I ignored all of you for that... that... Blake." His name tastes like bile in my mouth. Bitter!
"Don't say that. I told you that I will always be there for you, no matter what. Don't ever think that will change. You mean alot to me and I hate seeing you hurt. You deserve someone who values you because you're a wonderful person, never forget that. Blake just doesn't realize how lucky he is to have you." He clears his throat and cups my cheek.
We stare at each other long enough that my palms sweat.
He slowly lifts me back to my seat, his fingers brush mine and he holds my hand and his thumb caresses my knuckles in a circular motion.
What's he doing?
He moves closer such that I can feel his breath on my face. Fresh and minty. My pulse starts racing as hell. We're both quiet, he's still holding my hand. I swallow dryly. My lips are dry. My eyes move down to his lips, they look lovely. Haven't I ever noticed his lips before?
Next thing I know, he pulls the seat belt across my body and buckles me up.
What the hell just happened? What was that? What's wrong with you, Kyrah? My subconscious taunts me.
For a second, I thought he was... No, I'm going insane.
Kyrah, stop over thinking. Did you expect him to kiss you? As if! Don't be such a bitch, get your shit together, woman!
Sometimes my subconscious is harsh on me. I feel guilty for what just happened. He just wanted to buckle me up, yet all I was thinking of was him kissing me.
I think I'm going crazy.
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