Chapter 169
Kyrah's POV
I waited to feel something, anything at all, but nothing. Even when he touched me, there was no spark. Nothing. He doesn't affect me in any way now. But right now as I walk past his gates, there's a huge lump growing in my throat. I thought that maybe seeing him would make me feel tingly or all fuzzy and warm inside or maybe feel pain but all I feel right now is regret.
My biggest regret is that I wasted time with someone who barely even knew me. He didn't even bother to ask what my hobbies were or anything like that. If asked, I'd say Blake Dawson is selfish. All he cares about is himself. He's selfish and he is two-faced. I am glad I don't have to be part of his life anymore. I don't know why my eyes are watery, but I can truthfully say that I am not crying because we broke up, I got done with that phase. I am crying because I have been set free. Free from all the lies and hurt.
When I remember how much pain I went through, I release a loud sob. I really don't like being this way, weak and teary-eyed. I hate it, because when I begin crying, it doesn't stop fast enough.
Blake's face flashes across my mind and I sigh. How was I even dating him? Claiming that I loved him when all he did was make me change negatively. I ignored my mom's words, for a moment I lost my best friends. I don't even know why I fell for him in the first place. We were once "lovers" but now we're just strangers. We've had more fights than good times. That was such a pathetic relationship. A toxic one.
I don't even know what I used to feel back then when I was with him. Maybe tiny sparks, but mostly that happened when he touched me seductively. Unlike with... Scott. All he does is look at me and I feel like an electric wave just slapped my entire body and–
Please stop comparing Blake to Scott. And you're probably insane to think that Scott would want you. He's your best friend, chill. You're rushing things and jumping into conclusions. Relax, woman!
God! I hate my subconscious. I roll my eyes at the voice in my head. But then again, I am not so sure about what I feel. I don't want to rush and mess up. Good things take time, right? Yeah. I fish my phone from my pocket and call Scott.
A feeling of satisfaction sweeps over me when I hear his deep voice.
"Hey," he says and I bite my lip to stop myself from sobbing. Why am I sobbing? Gah! I just hate how these bodies work. One minute you're just happy and the next, a wave of sadness takes over. I just hate how emotional I usually am. Sometimes I even cry over very petty stuff and wonder what the hell is usually wrong with me.
"Kyrah? You there?" he asks and I nod, forgetting that he can't see me.
"Y-yeah." My voice breaks and I sniffle as my hand flies and pats my chest.
"Is everything okay?" he asks.
"I just... I need someone to talk to." I exhale heavily and stand by the road side.
"Where are you?" he asks.
"It doesn't matter... for now. I'll tell you when we meet up. If you're not too busy, you can find me at the mall, I'm like fifteen minutes away," I say.
"I'll be there as soon as I can, give me thirty minutes, will you?" he asks, his voice full of gentleness.
"Okay," I whisper and I hang up.
At the mall, I sit on the very same spot where Scott and I have made our favorite. When he arrives, I know he'll walk straight here first. I stare blankly at my fingers and sigh. Sometimes I just don't understand what the meaning of this life is. It's like living in a novel and honestly, my author sucks because all these plot twists are making me sick and tired of life. I need a fucking break. I need to be normal again. I miss days when life was all about candy, sweet moments and parties... No boys.
Boys...
I snort.
I ignored my mom when she told me she's been in my shoes. She said she was once crazy about some guy and grandma warned her but she didn't listen and everything turned out wrong for her, the guy left her. Well I guess I have been busy trying to re-enact my mom's past. I didn't listen to her and look what happened. Here I am with a broken heart-- No! I don't have a broken heart anymore. I've been doing everything I can to mend it back into a whole piece and Scott has been of huge help. I didn't think I'd get over Blake that fast, meaning, he didn't mean that much to me. If I really, truly loved him, if ours was true love, I would have had a very hard time trying to wash away our memories. I don't know for how long I've been staring at my fingers when Scott arrives and stands next to the table and clears his throat.
"Penny for your thoughts?" he says while caressing my shoulder.
There goes the static again. I hold my breath for a second.
I look up at him and it's like his eyes are trying to pull the hurt out of me.
"Wait, you want some ice-cream? You look like you need some." He raises his brow and I nod at him.
"Yeah," I say and we go and get ourselves some ice-cream and walk back to our spot. Our, favorite spot.
"I was at Blake's house," I say and I notice Scott's hand curve into a ball. "He didn't do anything." I give him all the details about what happened as I watch his face and wait for any reaction. At some point he seems pissed when I say that Blake tried to talk to me.
"Kyrah," he says calmly and at that moment my phone rings and I take it out of my pocket. I already know who it is. It's Blake and I deleted his number but I still know it off head. Without any hesitation, I slide my finger across the red button and end the stupid call. Why is he calling me right now?
"Was that him?" Scott asks and I nod and sigh as I take a scoop of my blueberry ice-cream.
"Look. Kyrah, I know that it's been hard for you to get over him and–"
"I am so, over him. I don't feel anything towards him at all, Scott. The only thing that's left is regret," I blurt out as I stare at the cars at the parking lot, then scoop some ice-cream and shove it into my mouth. The cold sensation feels amazing as I swallow it.
Scott smiles a little.
"You know what, forget about him. He shouldn't even bother calling you when he knows what he did and that you're not interested in him anymore. Both of you went your separate ways. He should face reality and just accept it. But... promise me one thing," Scott eyes me carefully.
"What?" I ask while slowly blinking.
"Don't go back to him... please. I don't want you to get hurt. I really, really care about you and well... He's a jerk for hurting someone as lovely as you are." Scott places his arm across my shoulders and pulls me closer to him. "You deserve better." He squeezes my arm gently and I sigh.
His words take time to sink in. Indeed, Blake was the biggest jerk I've ever met.
"I promise you. I will never make that mistake again. Never," I assure him as I look directly into his gunmetal blue eyes. He smiles and his thumb draws circles on my shoulder.
"You know what? Let's not waste our day by talking about him. Let's go to the beach... that's if you don't have any commitments somewhere." He looks down at me and I lean onto his shoulder.
"Let's go," I say.
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