Chapter 147
Kyrah"s POV
Roxy and Vic just left and now it"s just Scott and a miserable me sitting on one couch. Even after the break down I just had a few minutes ago, I still want to cry more. My heart and mind are in denial but my eyes saw it all last night at the masquerade ball. As I sit here quietly, I bite my inner cheeks to stop myself from sobbing, regret washing over me like the waves do on a beach. How I wish I could go back into the past and take a different path. Instead of talking to Blake, I"d ignore him and my life would be normal. Too bad what"s done is done. I can"t go back no matter what. There"s no way to make things right and now I have to live with this pain inside me.
Stupid is what I was, and blind. Blind that even though Blake broke my heart a couple of times, I still forgave him. I"m so stupid! So, so very stupid!
I feel like an apple. A beautiful, red apple and the pain and regret I feel are like worms gnawing right at the core of me. I am trying so hard to summon more strength but I fail terribly and end up sniffling. Scott pulls me closer to him and I lean on to his chest. Tears sting my eyes and I angrily wipe them with the back of my hand when they start falling. I try to keep them at bay but they only burst out forth like water from a dam. My chin is trembling and so are my hands.
The thing that I have now come to realize is that a part of me has been so damaged that I don"t think I will ever be fixed. Ever!
I once heard someone talk about their love journey on radio and she said that I will never leave you" will leave, I will always be there for you" is always busy and I will forever love you" never loved you before. These words are hitting me so hard right now. I've seen couples who have dated for years and end up married, like my parents, but then what's the secret? How do I find the one, when the only person I thought was the one cheated on me?
Sometimes I wonder what"s wrong with people who can"t keep promises. People who only have lies and more lies leaving their mouths on a daily basis. Why can"t this world have more honest people like...
I turn to Scott and he lowers his hooded eyes to me, his eyes the cool blue of still water. A frown plastered on his face. He"s the only guy I"ve ever met that"s been so honest with me. Even though I"ve only known him for a few months, he"s proven to me that he"s an honest guy and I trust him.
"Are you warm enough?" he coos and my heart jumps to my throat. He"s just so damn caring. I don"t know why but I begin shedding hot tears as I nod my head. The walls that hold me up and keep me strong, tumble down and I feel vulnerable. He catches a tear from falling with his thumb and his touch makes me feel safe. My tears have already soaked part of his shirt, but he keeps me close to his chest as he rocks me slowly.
"Don"t cry. Please," he begs. He said please, good God, how does he do it? Last night he turned into a fire breathing beast and here he is now, so gentle and calm. I have never seen him that... furious.
I lift my head from his chest and I sit upright on the couch. Dregs of sadness still visible in my weak posture. I take one throw pillow and I hug it so tight and I notice Scott quietly observing what I am doing. I turn and sit facing him and he takes my hand and his thumb makes circles on my palm. It somehow makes me feel so... free, that I even close my eyes so tight. But he gets it the wrong way and stops.
"Don"t stop. Please?" I ask and he takes both my hands into his and caresses them so gently.
"Is this helping?" he asks and I sigh.
"Yes." I swallow dryly. "It"s making me focus more on what"s happening here than what"s happening in my head."
"Good... Kyrah?"
"Yes?"
"I don"t know if I should ask you this but... How are you feeling right now?" he asks and I pout and a long silence follows. "It"s okay, if you... don"t want to talk about it."
"Right now I feel..." I search for the right words "... betrayed, broken, like daggers are digging deep into my heart. I feel... weak, lost, angry and sad. But you know what, I"ve cried so many times because of that shitface and I don"t want to shed any more tears for him," I pause, "Scott?"
"Yeah?"
I stop his hand from making circles on my palms.
"You know, walking with a friend in the dark is far better than walking alone in the dark. No matter how hard I try, I still find myself saying thank you. I don"t think I will ever stop." I say. "I just have a question." He moves in closer, his eyes focused on mine. I take in his sweet smell and somehow I feel calmer. "Will I ever be normal? I just... feel ... numb."
He sighs and tucks my hair behind my ear.
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