Chapter 9
In my room, I sit down on my bed and stare at the other empty bed, where my roommate would have been sleeping but I don't have one and I don't need one.
Someone knocks on the door and I get up to go and open it. I know it's her and it's only been ten minutes since I told her to come to my room. Oh well.
"I'm finally here," Kyrah says with a tiny smile on her face. She's actually never been inside my room since the semester began because I am always in her room.
"Come in," I pave way for her to walk in and close the door.
"Your room looks different now, it's not like I remember. Well arranged and..." she pauses and sniffs the air "... Do I smell strawberry freshener in here?"
I shrug and move to my bed. Kyrah looks around and her eyes land on something I didn't want anyone, and I mean anyone, to see. She grabs an old album lying on my dressing table. I must have forgotten to hide it or maybe I am so comfortable with no one coming in my room that's why I never bothered checking around for suspicious stuff.
"Don't open that!" I jump up from the bed and in two long strides I am standing in front of her and I grab the album from her.
"So now we are keeping secrets, first it was Maeve, now you. I'll just leave if that's what you want. But I'll still find out." She begins to walk and I stop her.
"No, stay... Please."
That last word makes her cringe. Yeah I know, it sounds really odd coming from me. Pleading, begging and apologizing never seem to be in my dictionary, maybe for today only.
Kyrah sits on my bed and I sit next to her and start picking at my nails quietly.
"What is it? Your silence is haunting me, say something please," she begs.
"Okay, Okay... Fine. I just don't know where to start Kyrah," I say.
"Start at the beginning," she says and stares at me.
I frown and she scowls at me.
"It's a long story, forget about it," I try making an excuse.
She stands up, takes off her shoes and hoodie, then ties her hair into a pony tail.
"I have all the time in the world, spill it girl, I'm all ears and I am not leaving this room until you say what's bothering you," she crosses her hands in front of her.
Shit, she has me all cornered.
I've been lying to her all these years and I can't help but feel like a fucking traiter.
Fuck this!
Fuck all of this, fuck all of the shit that I have made her go through. She thinks she knows me, but no. She doesn't.
"Okaaaay... Allow me to start talking since you are busy staring at the wall, lost in your thoughts," she says.
"I need some hot chocolate," I find a random excuse and in a few minutes I give Kyrah a mug and I grab mine.
"Why are you so jumpy today?" she asks.
I have no idea how, but my heart stops and I drop my mug of hot chocolate and it lands on the floor breaking into small pieces. Kyrah shoots up from the bed, placing her mug on the night stand.
"Jesus! Are you okay? You look stressed, let me clean this up for you,"
My whole body went numb when she asked me that question. I may pretend that I don't know the answer, but I do and I need to let it out somehow.
After a couple of minutes, Kyrah is done cleaning up the mess I just made and I feel sorry for her. Like Tyler said, I am trouble.
"Everywhere I go, trouble follows me, something tragic happens to me almost everyday. Look at what happened to my fucking mug, Kyrah," I point at the floor with a shaky finger, even though it's now cleaned up.
Tears are flowing down my face and they just won't stop. How do they fucking stop!?
"Don't you think you should talk about it?" she calmly asks, hugging me.
"I really don't think now is the time," taking in a deep breath, I face her. "You can come back later..."
"Hell no! I am not leaving you here all alone looking like this. God knows what you might do to yourself," she stands her ground and takes out her phone.
"Who are you calling?" I ask, my eyes wide open with concern.
"Just Maeve... Hey, could you bring me some extra sheets and a blanket from my closet, I'm sleeping at Roxy's tonight... Yeah, right now... Okay," she tells Maeve.
She hangs up and I stay quiet. She can be very stubborn at times and I don't blame her.
"I am not leaving this room. For now, I want you to take a nap and relax okay? Don't worry about what you'll eat tonight, I'll take care of it,"
What did I do to deserve such a friend?
I lay on my bed and pretend to be asleep, an hour later, she leaves, to get dinner or something and I sit up on my bed. My knees close to my chest and my arms around them.
Tears start to fall down my face again. Damn these stupid tears. I let out a really loud shrill cry.
Seconds later the door flies open and Kyrah comes in and hugs me.
"Shh... I'm here, I was only on a phone call,"
I am sobbing like a little toddler right now, I look helpless and I don't like the way I feel inside, and these tears, these fucking tears are making me look so weak. My heart feels heavy and my mind is all clogged up by my thoughts.
Silence takes over for another hour and I finally decide to let it out.
"My mom called today," I say.
Kyrah is shocked and her eyes are bulging out. Confusion slowly taking over her face.
"Sorry, but did you just say your mom called? I... Uhm... You told me your mom was... No more,"
"She's always been alive, Kyrah. I lied to you."
Kyrah's mouth falls wide open in shock and I sit there staring at the wall... Again.
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