Book 2: In the Life of Mia: College Chapter 31
Once Madeline was changed and dressed by 6:30 AM I had us both down in the family room hanging out while the other two ladies slept in until I had to leave and wanted it to be that way so that Sharene wouldn't go with to take me and Cate to the airport. The chef prepared me my usual and then started coffee as he saw Sharene's family heading up to the house at 7:15 AM and were all surprised that it was just myself and Madeline up. "Sharene still sleeping?" "Well that's unlike her, but last night was a late one for you both" Ari and Gemma smiled but seemed a little worried too. "Ha you have no idea and my friend Cate woke up crying and ran to our room so they were both on each side of me and with my anxiety and panic disorder along with getting to hot quickly I had to vacate the bed around 6. Maddie was already awake and kicking around the crib so before she woke up mommy I decided to take this shift and so far so good which is a miracle" I kiss her cheek as I looked up to the parents without feeling weird that I just admitted that I had two woman in my bed. Gemma had decided to go up and check on the girls since it had turned into 8am and Sharene obviously never slept in that late in years. Before I knew it, Catherine was up and with her bags at the door. "Hey I gotta get going, I only took an extra day so I could see you off... so if you are ready...." "Well you said you took an extra day so relax and get your butt in here and get some food and then we can go once I say good bye to Sharene" I laughed as she looked to have been woken unexpectedly.
Sharene and her mother joined us 15 mins later with Sharene red in the face and tears that were still there and I knew her all too well and that she had just had an emotional moment with her mother and it was most likely about me. I turned and opened my arms and she was in them sobbing "Shhhh I've got you.....I love you baby and I just wanted you to get some rest before I had to leave, Maddie is clean and dressed and already ate. Now how about you get some food in you too, I have to get going here after bit and I need you to stay here ok...." "NOOOO, please I can't just stay here and not see you all the way there....please, please don't do this to me" she cried harder tearing us both apart. Catherine had been watching us and even tearing up a little too which was I'm sure for many different reasons too. "Cate come here get in on these hugs too, don't want you to think that I won't miss you just as much" I sighed holding open my free arm. Catherine waited a beat to see if Sharene object and when she did not, she came to me and wrapped her arms around us both, "You are always missed.... especially when you are so fucking far away.... can't you just do like a semester there and come home or at least transfer closer to all of us" she asked between soft cries.
I didn't respond right away because my heart was breaking double time maybe even triple time. "Cate, I love you and you are my best friend, but this separation is a good thing and it gives us time to grow into who we really want to be without anyone holding us back. Sharene I'm in love with you and I'm sorry in that I wish we could have met later on when I wasn't traveling back and forth and I was more settled in a life where you wouldn't have to worry so much about the future of us. However, I'm not sure what I'd do or where I'd be now if you had not come into my life when you did. You both mean the world to me and if it was as simple as just throwing Oxford out the window and giving it all up I would do it in a heart-beat... but this is the first time I don't have my parents up my ass or obligations that keep me from doing it, not that if my girls were not here that I still would not be going to Oxford it would just mean I'd probably have to share them with Max who would make it 1000 times harder for not just me or him but everyone involved in our lives. I've come to realize that things happen for a reason and even the abuse....." I stopped not wanting to go down that path. Catherine stiffened just as fierce as Sharene had which almost took all my air out as they squeezed me tighter. "Are you seriously saying that it was meant to be that Max beat you every chance he got...." "Cate that's not what I mean.... I just... look I don't want to get on this subject or think about the past when I'm doing my best to focus on the now and the future whatever that might be" I cut her off and Sharene picked it up. "Cate is right you are not thinking that you are to blame for the girls being gone.... no one deserves to be beaten and those babies didn't deserve to die or die in the way they did...." "STOP....." I yelled dropping my arms and heading out of the kitchen away from everyone to find Bailey and Lola who were in the office talking. "BAILEY, LOLA GET THE SUV OUT FRONT NOW" I yelled down the hall.
Madeline was startled by my shouting and started to cry who was in her grandmother's arms. The crying shook me to my core, and I felt the pain in my heart "Mia.... calm down... you are on powersave and have not had much sleep which is not good for your inner core" Amelia warned and I about lost it on her "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT EITHER.....ugh sorry I just need to get out of here... they are like the same damned person and know how to trigger my button just right... they do it every time I'm about to leave and I don't understand why. Do they like me angry when I'm about to leave" I was now in my own head. Sharene and Catherine were just feet away from me as I held onto the banister of the staircase with my eyes closed and drowning out the sounds and people around me for just a min. "Girls.... please don't...Cate Bailey is pulling the SUV around and Lola will get your things in the back. Say your goodbyes and let's get going.... Sharene baby... I really need you to just stay here ok... this is way too hard already and if you come with I won't be able to leave you" I begged her and she cried and ran up the stairs slamming the bedroom door.
Gemma had come up to me along with the other 3 who were looking pretty upset with me, "She'll be alright, but you should have just let her come with you...she knows how hard it is and Haiden used to do the same thing to her making her stay and he died the last time he deployed which tore her apart" Gemma whispered in my ear. "I'm sorry, but I'm not Haiden and I'm not off to fight a war....I'm going to school I can come home at any time, but it's impossible for me to say good bye already and even harder if she comes. I'm truly sorry that it brings up bad memories for her that's not what I want, but.... just go be with her please she needs you as her mother" I begged, and Gemma kissed my cheek and headed up the steps. Damara was holding Madeline who was fussy and I was sure it had to do with all the emotions in the air. "Maddie baby girl it's ok....I'm always with you in your heart and so are my girls and my family as you know" I whispered in her ear after her grandmother had passed her over. Madeline had put her hand over my mouth and smiled as though she knew and did not need me to say anything to her to reassure her that I was always there. "I love you princess and I'll call you and mommy when I get to the airstrip and before takeoff ok... be good for mommy and your grandparents ok and I'll see you in a couple of months for Thanksgiving..." I snuggled her and kissed her cheek holding her a bit longer. I gave Sharene's father Ari a hug and kiss next followed by Damara and Arlo who were quiet in understanding that I had to do what I had to do. "Come's with the territory... coming and going is never easy on me I hope you know that because I don't want you all thinking that I'm not good for her your girls.... which to be honest she could do so much better and I..... I'm not even going to finish just know if I could go back and make it so that we never met..... I'd do it just so I didn't have to cause this much pain to her every time I left" the hot tears started pouring out of my eyes and down my face.
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