Book 2: In the Life of Mia: College Chapter 93
It took all of me to even stand her touching me as I groaned deep in my chest feeling the ache that never went away from when I had to watch her, and Maddie leave my life. "I—I’m not sure what you want from this but if holding you is what you need... I can give you that, but if it's more I just...." "Shh just hold me..." she whispered as she got as close as she could as I wrapped my arms around her. It was not a long embrace since my father's temper rang out clear as he yelled down the hall for me to come out of wherever I was. "Damn it... do I look like I am 12 years old or something... come let's get to the table before I get myself grounded" I whispered in such a sarcastic tone Sharene laughed and finally stepped back letting me go. We took a min or two longer just being in one another’s presence before having to put on another mask showing everyone, we were happy. I softly touched her face wishing I could give her so much more. After another yell from down the hall the two of us finally opened the door and let our eyes re-adjust after being in a closed room for the last 15 mins.
Sharene went ahead of me and my father had seen us coming out of the bedroom. "Please don't start we were not doing anything inappropriate she just needed to talk for a min, and since everyone has been keeping their mouths shut all day... well I guess I owed her something" I bitched down the hall at him. My father just gave me the look of "WHATEVER" as he waited for me to join him before we entered the dinning, room together. He walked me to where he wanted me to sit and slowly pulled out the chair at the end of the table across from my mother and next to him as he was at the head of the table. He decided to go into a long speech of how me coming back was a Christmas gift even though I was out there on my own helping a young man who needed to be helped. "She will do great things in any field she chooses whether it's medicine like my father or law like her old man" he finished, and we all rose a glass. My mother winked at me as she held my little brother who was once again attached to her breast which I knew was a normal thing for an infant but was getting to be too much at times. "Well, all Merry Christmas and it's great to be spending it with people who love me and who I love as well... which for me it's hard I know to crack that shell of mine, but as you know I have had special moments with you all in different ways of course and I am very happy to see my two gay best friends happily married and looking fantastic, my best girlfriend who's always had my back and happy with a guy who actually makes her smile instead of cry or so angry she cries. I'm happy that my parents have such a good support system especially when I'm not nearby and I appreciate you all for calling or coming to spend time with them. I'm also very happy for Savi and Sebastian's news and you'll both make great parents, as for my life it's still a walk in the park on a daily basis as you can all see and I'm sure there are things you all want to say and I appreciate that you leave it to yourself. Anyways to family and friends" I smile raising my glass again.
By 10pm I had left everyone so I could wrap presents for Maddie, Giovanni, Catherine, Jose, Nicholas, Sharene, Leona, my parents, everyone who had been at the house for the holiday even though I had no idea what they liked. I placed the gifts under the tree a little after midnight after everyone had gone off to bed leaving me alone to have some peace and quiet to think. I had a lot to think about and what the New Year would bring hoping it gave people peace and other resolution in whatever they might be dealing with. I made myself hot cocoa and brandy enjoying it while I curled up on the couch and watched the lights twinkle and blink all different colors and when the silence became too much to handle I went to the 4th floor and got into bed by 2:30am hoping sleep would happen for me.
After sleep had finally kicked in and I was once again surrounded by the other side who just wanted me to be happy this Christmas. “I hear you all ok, and I’m truly doing my best to do what I can to please everyone. However, don’t I deserve to be happy to and be myself which includes me continuing to be independent and living on my own. Going to school where I want and becoming the person I want to be or at least trying to find out who that person is supposed to be without having to have all this on my shoulders” I found myself practically begging them to have faith and give me space. I knew they needed me to continue on with my mission for them as well, which for a 19-year-old girl it was a lot of pressure and responsibility. “Mia, you deserve to have all your dreams come true and with that comes helping to unlock everything you and your family deserves to have. We, your family might seem to you that we are perfect and have it all together as we are on the other side. Yet the truth is….” “You’re your grandmother is trying to say is that we are here and yes we died fairly young, but it’s been a curse for most of us…” my grandfather Artemis cut my grandmother Mia off from finishing what she was trying to say.
As my dream stream continued, I tried to understand and listen to them all as they played out what they could from their lives here on earth. I could see that it was a good life for them, but that it came with consequences and even more responsibility after they were gone. Just thinking about it all and where I was at in my life I wondered if maybe the reason for the curse was something that might have taken place years ago to have the curse placed upon our family. I went along the other dream streams seeing all the guardians keeping guard outside their posts and I wondered if that was the reason my brother had died to take a place among these guardians too. “Does this happen on all these other planes of existence between our worlds? If so, that is not fare to end ones’ life just to help keep watch over these dream streams….and for what exactly?” I thought as I found myself wondering farther and farther along the many dream streams.
Ethan had been guarding not only one dream stream, but dozens of them while the others I had passed were only having 3 at the most to keep guard of. “How is this fare to you…..why you to watch over these dozens of streams? Don’t you think you would be able to have nights off…..especially when it comes to our family being the high of the highest of guardians” trying to keep my irritation at a level that wouldn’t have either of us fighting with one another. Ethan just starred at me for what felt like forever even though I was on a time limit and he knew that “Mia…..I am not real sure what you expect me to say anymore….at every turn you run away from what is meant to be. You know I need to do this job as it’s my job and yes, it’s the greatest of honors since we are like royalty if you will. Now if you don’t mind, I would appreciate if you got lost and next time just send an SOS if you need someone who really understands every part of you….because I guess I’m not good enough even now” he was hurt that much I was sure of.
Once Ethan had stopped talking and refused to even look at me now, I decided that I had no other choice then to head back to my own dream stream and hopefully my girls would be there. To my surprise the only thing waiting for me as I approached my dream stream was my grandparents who looked to be not only a slight irritated, but disappointed too. “I sure hope you are proud of yourself and attacking Ethan the way you did was so uncalled for!” “We know you have a lot on your plate and a lot to think about, but we all hope you decide to continue on with this journey” “Grand-dad is right we all hope and want you to make your own decision, but if you should decide not to continue with the task we’ve set forth we do understand” my grandparents were doing a great job dropping the guilt trip and making me feel like a complete asshole. Taking a deep breath I smiled sucking back all my emotions “Good to know that I’ve got options and am aloud to follow my own dreams….as for attacking Ethan I’m pretty sure I was just having a conversation with him. He is the one who was being mean to me and acting like I am the one who wanted or asked for him to be here….It’s also not my fault that I was not able to hear him and all of you until just recently… now if you are all done lecturing me and reminding me that I’m a spoiled girl than I’d like to just head back to my own personal bubble” my irritation level had grown to it’s all high.
As I got comfortable again in my own dream stream and finding a spot that would make me happy, I had found myself dreaming of Billy who had been something of a surprise to even me. He had been exactly what I had needed at the time and made me at least feel normal even though the saine part of me knew that the whole thing was crazy. As my dream had continued, I could not believe that he and I were together and actually happy living a normal life with a white picket fence and JJ. What had really made me smile though was the fact that together we had created a little human who had been the apple of his fathers’ eye and even looked a lot like the two of us. I had wanted to stay there forever, but my bladder had other plans as it ached. “Until next time my loves….” I whispered before waking to the sun shining, through the window. I couldn’t believe that my body had even let me sleep passed 5am as the clock showed 5:45am and I slowly rolled out of bed and to the bathroom.
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