Chapter 24
The food on the plate where Greta's famous mixed berry scones which told me she was probably up when I left the house. "She knows me all too well... she's one person I always miss when I leave this place. I always seem to leave a little of myself here each time..." I say more to myself than Sebastian who had stayed to himself. I wondered for a moment why he seemed to stay so close the last few days. When my father’s security detail usually stood at a distance to the point you never knew where they were. I had been in the most perfect place surrounded by water and friends who just wanted to be with me at whatever cost. My parents were at least getting along "ha-ha" I giggled out loud at the thought and remembering their little thing in the tree house. I felt the sun heating up as I laid in the chair on the dock and figured it had to be at least close to 7am now. "Well, if you don't mind, I'm going to clean this up and then head back for a shower. I'd really like to be fresh and clean before the doctor arrives and please inform my parents I'm at least talking again. Ha not that it will make a fucking difference either way..." I say as I stand to my feet and grabbed the mugs and little dessert plate.
I did not bother taking the dishes to the main house knowing there would be people waiting. I found the guest house still calm and silent which made things easy for me to do what I needed and wanted to do. I found Catherine still fast asleep in the bed looking so beautiful and peaceful. "At least someone is..." I thought as I entered the bathroom and stood facing the mirror looking at myself and not understanding. "What do you not understand sis... you are smart, beautiful, have everything you could ever want. You are worthy of love and happiness with whom you choose to love, but don't ever settle!" Ethan says in a gentle tone.
Ethan had really done his best with his little pep-talk and even made me feel a little better. I always wanted to have that growing up, but it made me feel like now I just might get that after all. I jumped in the shower a few minutes later letting the hot water do its best of washing away my fears and nightmares. "Please....." I screamed to myself wanting whoever was up there listening to hear my pleading and help me understand what the hell was happening to me. I was sitting on the floor of the shower shaving my legs when I usually waxed and was still in treatment for laser hair removal, but the blade seemed to be calling out my name. I could feel every single blade as it ran over my flesh clearing the stubble from my legs, thighs and now my most intimate place. Once finished I had noticed I nicked myself in a few places not even feeling the little bit of pain it caused it. "DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! For fuck, sake Mia you want mother and father to walk in here and find you like this!" Ethan was screaming at me as I contemplated hurting myself just a little to feel alive. I knew that even thinking about the possibility made me feel weak and disappointed in myself.
Ethan screaming at me did not help one bit but knocked a little more sense into me, so I was just finishing up when Catherine walked into the bathroom beautifully naked and walking towards the shower. "Well, well it’s about time you got up.. been a little lonely but didn't have the heart to wake you!" I whispered as she got closer and swung the door open. "Well, you wore me the fuck out and we were at it until like midnight 1 am. I slept like a rock, but figured you didn't since I could have sworn, we were on the floor when I passed out and I woke up in the bed" Catherine says with a tight smile as she joined me but kept her distance. I could tell by the way Catherine looked at me she was reining in her emotions and trying to give me time. "Come here angel, you look like you’re fighting to keep your distance. Tell me what you need, want, or expect! It seems we are more honest with one another when we are both completely vulnerable. Or...." I stopped thinking maybe it was what had happened last night. "Was I too rough with her? Did I overstep in some way?" I thought to myself. "Or what? What were you going to say? Don't stop talking to me please..." Catherine says in almost a begging tone.
I stepped forward quickly and out of nowhere thinking only in my head and she quickly backed away. "Ok.... ummm sorry I was in my own head for a min... did I hurt you last night, or take it too far?" I asked needing to know the answer before I said or did anything else. Catherine put her head down instead of looking directly at me when she spoke "No-no you didn't hurt me... it was.... amazing.." Catherine stopped still not looking at me just folding her hands together and squeezing her thighs tightly together as though she was remembering last night. I hated that she was so distant and not even looking at me when she spoke. I stepped back and into the water to finish my shower and once finished opened the door to reach for my robe and towel. "Wait! Please just wait" Catherine blurted out as she grabbed my wrist and pulled the door closed. I was confused and now worried that I really overstepped the night before and I could never take it back. I backed up and pulled Catherine under the warm water when I felt how cold she was and was not sure why.
We both just stood there under the warm water not saying a word just put our arms around one another. I did not know what to say or if I should say anything at all not wanting to mess anything up. I did not know how long we had stood there but Catherine had finally pulled back once her heart had stopped racing and looked up at me. "I love you I think I might be actually truly in love with you not like what I thought since that was like puppy love. I think this is love I’m starting to feel for you, like something I could see long term... I-I don't expect anything at this moment from you, but I'd really like for you to explain to me why you've been acting so weird. Your parents just keep saying it is a family issue and not to press you because they are giving you your time and space right now. I think that is why your father brought us all and is having a big bash for your mother for her birthday. You should see the way he looks when he's talking about you and your mother, but something different when he talks about Amelia... almost like he's in pain and can't help himself" Catherine was talking so fast while I was still trying to process the "I'm in love with you” and it wasn’t the first time either and again I was still trying to process the first time she had said it.
Catherine and I traded places putting her body directly under the flow of water while I sat on the bench. My heart was all over the place and my mind was firing with little strobes of light as though fireworks were exploding. "Cate... love.... love is a strong word.. something you should always think about first. I do have love for you, but I'm not ready to commit to that step that I know you want and need.... yes my parents are right I'm going through a lot even more in the last few weeks....I don't know if you'd even believe me if I told you all the crazy things I've been through. I know it hurts you when I don't tell you things, especially since we’ve been best friends since like birth and you’ve been my rock through all the bad shit I’ve had to endure. However, there are just some things I’m not ready to share" I say with my head down letting the tears fall to the floor letting them wash away with the water down the drain.
Catherine had finished washing up quickly before turning the water off and turning on the steam shower to help with my now stuffy nose. "We're on vacation... we shouldn't be crying and this miserable. I guess maybe the guys and I should let your father know we are going home. Maybe you and your parents should be having this time alone because you all seem pretty miserable" Catherine says as she took a seat next to me and held my hand. I started to think maybe Catherine was right as I crawled to the 2nd step letting the steam help me. I laid flat on my back with my hands behind my head staring at the ceiling as Catherine stayed below me and stayed quiet too. I was not sure where we were going to go from there and was afraid that it would take us both on a whole other path. I knew deep down that last night had meant something to both of us, but for me it was something different for Catherine all together. I was still trying to figure out who I was, and my parents did not help in the whole love department since I only saw separation and anger.
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