Chapter 67
The more I walked around and towards the sounds of children infants my grandmothers tried to keep me calm. "It's ok Mia it's just the next step..." "Yes, darlin' and it's now time for you to meet them" Amelia and Mia said as they took my arm on each side. I looked to them both with confusion still on my face and then Ethan was there holding what looked to be two infants walking closer to us. I tilted my head from side to side not understanding what I was seeing or even who the children were until it hit me like a ton of bricks. "NOOOO... I'm not ready..." I whispered knowing now who the infants were. Amelia and Mia held me from turning away but made things a little easier for me. "What are, their names Mia..." "Katherine, and Amelia" I say as though I did not need to even think twice. Ethan smiled and held out Katherine to me waiting for me to take her in my arms. "It's ok trust me.... She's been waiting a long time to meet her mother" he said softly.
Katherine was in my arms, and I was actually holding her like I knew what I was doing even though I had no clue. I had refused to hold any children or even want to be near any when they were near me. My tears were streaming down my face as I looked into her beautiful deep blue green turquoise eyes that she got from me and her father both. I even saw a little of Maxwell's mother Amy in her and it broke my heart. My grandmothers walked me to the sofa and sat me down as Ethan took the seat next to me and handed me Amelia next. Though I was not sure I could handle them both at the same time. "I can't believe this is happening right now.... just the thought of this being for real, and the what ifs that I carry with me day in and day out... and yet here I am, but I don't understand I thought when a soul dies it grows up..." I said stopping as I was so confused.
Ethan sighed shaking his head like he did not understand how I could not just be in the moment. "Yes, they do, but there are stages like I said before and you can always go back a step any time you want... like a memory if you want to think about it that way. You can have this moment/memory whenever you need it. You can even skip a little ahead and see what they would be like now at this very moment if they were with you on earth" Ethan said softly. I shook my head wanting to just be there in that moment for now to be with them, feel them be their mother like I should have been from the beginning. "This is my fault they were never born.... " "NO..... don't think that way... things happen for a reason Mia, and this is the reason. It doesn't mean that the way it happened was ideal, but regardless of how it happened it was never your fault" Ethan promised as he took in a long deep breath.
After taking a deep breath I glanced at him seeing his face with pain and anger and I knew all too well what that was like. I looked back down at my beautiful twin girls I was confused on how I knew they were both girls when I was only 22 weeks pregnant and didn't know the sex of them when I had the miscarriage. The longer we sat there I wasn't sure how long I had been in the dream state with my grandmothers, brother and the twin girls, I could feel a tug or force that was pulling me away. I wasn't ready by any means to leave my family that made me feel more wanted and alive than I had in a couple of years. "Nooooo...." the dream state was fading and my parents, voices were soft and calm as they called out my name bringing me back to reality. I groaned as I flickered my eyes open and closed quickly their faces blurry as I was still trying to focus on them, but also get back to where I wanted to be. "Come on honey.... it's time to get up at least one more time before you sleep more" my father said in a low tone.
The more I was pulled out of the one place I wanted to truly be I was confused not understanding why I needed to get up. I realized it when I felt my bladder ache and needed the bathroom. My father picked me up the moment I sat up and tried to get to the edge of the bed and carried me to the bathroom. "If you are up for it a few people just want to come in and see you before they head to bed, but if you are not up for it, they'll understand" my mother said from behind my father. I wasn't up for it but knew everyone was worried so shrugged "Make it quick I was in a really good dream, and I'd love to get back to it as soon as possible" I groaned with a little irritation. My mother left the room to let them know while my father stayed by my side radiating so much love. I could see he was scared and even angry and knew it had nothing to do with me but most likely the situation and Maxwell. "Dad.... I'm fine really, I'm just not used to this ok... I was over loading on emotion and anxiety and when I usually get like that I run, workout, do what I usually do when I feel it rising inside. I'm not able to do that right now with an injured foot and now ribs.... it's killing me and lashing out is not who I am... but with everyone all over me and things coming at me day after day. I just can't handle anymore right now. I just need to get through these next 4 days or less and hopefully Jake says the stitches can come out so I can get back to my life.. and by the look on mother's face earlier and the fact that she didn't tell me a yes or no answer about going home. I am going assume that I'm stuck here until she either gives in or until our summer is over" I muttered calmly not wanting to be angry.
My father Ethan gave me a challenging look as though he knew that deep down, I was not ok, but hoped I would be some day. "I love you... you are my only daughter, child that is living and I'm not about to lose you or let you walk out on this family, like I know you are feeling right now. Yes, your mother and I both agreed that here is where we all need to be, and this is where we are going to stay until it's time to get you back for college. I've even passed all my open cases to my partner at the firm. It wasn't even hard as it might have been for me last year or even a couple years ago, because the fact is this is where I'm needed and want to be" he said with tears building in his eyes. I knew that this anger in him was killing him along with dreams of ever having Maxwell and I together. All that mattered to him was me and my mother's safety which I still didn't quite understand at times. I figured it had something to do with his clients who were powerful. If something ever happened, he could get hurt or we could in the process.
My father got me back into bed and comfortable before the room flooded with people at 11:30pm and my head pounding already. Just thinking about the chaos making me feel queasy. My mother knocked on the door and cracking it just enough to squeeze her head in to see if I was ready "Is it a go?" she asked with a giant smile. I smiled back as her smiles were always infectious and could not tell her no "Alright...." I said giving her the go ahead. Greta and Ronnie had come in first with Greta holding a platter of food ranging from, sweets, to cheese and crackers, even homemade mashed potatoes that she knew I could never turn down. "There's our girl.... you look a lot better than you did earlier" "Oh yes, she does well honey I just wanted to see for myself that you were ok. I promise not to stay long, plus Ronnie and I need to see our kids off in the morning, so we need our sleep too" Greta said as she strolled to the bedside and sat my tray on the nightstand.
Greta took a seat on the edge of the bed and just looked at me with her motherly eyes and even though I tried to hide the pain and anger I was filled with, yet she still saw it. Her smile faded and was replaced with sadness in her eyes which hurt me just as much as it did her seeing it within my eyes. She gripped my hand in hers and bowed her head silently praying like she always did when she felt the need to and was not ashamed of her faith. "Amen" she whispered, and it was like I felt it right along with her. The prayers she was sending up to heaven for me and whatever I might be going through inside. "Thank you... I'll be alright though you are the best.... thank you for being here not just because you cook for us, but because you are like family" I whispered thanking her before she could walk away. I could see my words had touched her as she leaned across and kissed my forehead and then both my cheeks and the tip of my nose.
Ronnie took his wife Greta's hand in his and knew she would need him for support as they walked away never seeing me the way they were all seeing me. "Mia, you just get rest and I'll bring breakfast in the morning" she said as Ronnie started walking them towards the door. The crew of the yacht was next, and I was not as comfortable as I was with others but wanted it to go quick and by the look in their eyes they did too. Brian made me smile with his goofy ass smiles and jokes telling me to get better soon. All so I could taste his creations he was making in our kitchen and the yacht. "You and your family are so awesome, so hurry up so you can play again too" he said and then kissed my hand. Haley just smiled and blew me a kiss not wanting to get to close even though I wasn't sick in that way. "Sorry just hate when people are sick, it freaks me out..." she laughed feeling uncomfortable. "It's fine I'm not even used to all this, but I promise I'm not sick in that way I'm just mentally exhausted" I said softly with a little smile.
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