Chapter 80
I felt so bad that even though the day was arranged for the guys and we were ready to do just that. I was ready to make the whole day and night all about them until my parents just had to know everything. “I’m sorry Nicholas… I really didn’t mean to cause this to happen on yours and Jose’s day really I didn’t and really would have loved to keep it to myself until the day I died. My parents wanted to hear the details they already knew from the 3 of you, but of course the 3 of you only knew what you knew and not the shit that happened after I told you that I wasn’t seeing him anymore. He is my ummm kryptonite I guess you could say and I wasn’t strong enough to fight him. Then when I finally was it still didn’t make me any stronger like I thought it had. I was ready to invite him to come here and stay a few weeks with us, I’m truly over it now though. After seeing him and his parents today and seeing him snap in front of my parents and his… and part of me is happy that I miscarried because I’d never be rid of him in the way I should be. Of course, he’ll always be there deep in my heart along with my baby girls” I said as I leaned my head on Nick’s shoulder.
Nicholas listened to me without interrupting or getting angry and running away like Jose and Catherine had done but cried with me as I told him what I had told my parents and Maxwell’s. “I’m the one who’s sorry that you didn’t trust your best friends enough to tell that you were too weak to let him go, but most of all carrying his twins and then miscarried them 16 weeks later” Nicholas said in a low tone. He was still crying as we had our heads close together and comforting one another. I wanted to move on from the pain and finally start to truly heal from all the pain I was carrying around with me. I knew deep down that some of it would be there regardless. “Hey how about we go find that soon to be husband of yours and that pain in the ass friend of ours that is probably never going to forgive me.. it might even be the breaking point of our friendship even if she does forgive me. We all knew that this summer was pretty much a last hurrah. Before we said goodbye for only God knows how long as we figure out what our next step in life is all about. I know we’ll do our best to stay connected but can’t 100% promise that even 5 years from now that well be this close” I admitted as I stood and held out my hand.
Nicholas stood and took my hand without saying a word to what I had just said which made things all that much easier on us both and we both knew it wasn’t a lie what I was saying. We found Jose and Catherine talking and laughing at whatever Asher had said to them and the others who were standing around listening. Catherine only looked at me long enough to smile at Nicholas who had come up next to her after letting my hand go. I did not want to overstep before she was ready. I stepped up but kept my distance as I took my stance next to Joellene and Christian who were happy to finally see me long enough to hug me and kiss me. “Well, it’s about time that’s all I have to say…” “Ha yes I’m sure that it was important or her and her parents would have been in the office for so long. So how about we give them a little space to just ease back out here and not ask any questions unless they want to share” Christian said as he hugged me and then let me go.
Not a second later Asher stepped up and wrapped his arms around me pulling me close “Hey… hope all is ok and if you need to talk, I’m here” Asher whispered into my ear and kissing my cheek before stepping back next to Catherine again. I smiled at him and thanked them all for forgiving me and my parents for taking so long in the house handling family business. We were all getting into the swing of things by 4pm which helped calm my nerves and excitement from earlier. I even thanked Ethan who was still very much there running around the yard with the girls as I had pictured them old enough to play again. I had decided that with Jose and Catherine being so upset with me still that I would just sit back and stay out of the way
giving them space and time to take everything in. My parents were pretty much doing the same thing as they sat on the porch swing and watched us all interacting with our new friends.
The new friends included Asher and the crews, people. Greta had yet to find out what exactly was happening in the office but had overheard something about babies and miscarriages. “Hey sweetheart, how are you holding up over here on your own…” “Ha Greta I’m fine, and if you want to know everything well, you’ll just have to wait. I’m sorry but I’ve already taken enough of this day away from them. I just wanted them to have at least one day that was all about them especially on their wedding day. Now not only am I carrying around my own burdens of my past they are now carrying around part of it too. I just wanted to keep everyone safe from this… and ugh again especially my parents who’ve dealt with losing a child before. I guess that should have been one reason to tell them about my situation, but I just couldn’t… I was afraid that my mother would have another break down or even…. I don’t know kill someone and it would be my fault once again…” I said as I watched my friends.
My cell phone began to buzz on the table next to me and I picked it up not thinking about it and saw a message from Maxwell and an attachment with it. I wasn’t sure if I should open it but when I did it was him apologizing for everything, he had put me through. All in a video for me to not just read but listen to, watch and see that he was truly sorry for once since I said it was over. Another message followed with a copy of our babies on an ultrasound that he had in a frame and under his bed per the text. “I wonder every day who they’d look like, but one things for sure they’d be just as beautiful as their mother. Who I hope one day can forgive me and herself.” I was happy to see that it was not him begging me to talk to him or give him a chance now that his parents knew everything about our abusive relationship. Another text message appeared a few minutes later followed by another one both from Maxwell’s parents.
The 1st text had been from his mother Michelle. Michelle: “Mia my darling, I just wanted to send you this message to let you know that I’m sorry for what my son put you through. He will never bother you again and I hope that one day you can find it in your heart to forgive not only him but us too. You’ll always be in our hearts and wish you nothing but love and happiness.” Bradly: “Mia, my beautiful Mia I blame myself for how my son treating you the way he had and thought that I raised him right drilling into him to never raise a hand to a woman and if he did only to raise it to lift her up when she was down. Maybe I wasn’t there enough to show him just how it was done and maybe hung out with the wrong crowd. I guess it’s the path we all choose to take and we as parents can only do so much. You had every right and still do to not ever want to see our son again. I can’t be mad at you for that.. I love you we love you as though you were our own daughter we never got to have.”
The messages touched me but also settled me even more to slowly start to let go of the past, but because of their son we were childless. I saved the picture that Maxwell had sent me even though I had copies of my own. Yet not with me except the ones my parents now had and probably would not give up. I showed Greta who was still sitting with me keeping me comfortable since everyone else was off doing their own thing and exactly how it should have been. “They would be 6 months on Sunday… and Cate is upset which I don’t blame her.. I don’t blame anyone for being upset about me keeping this from them, but it was my decision and the right one for me at the time” I admitted wanting to just get to talk to someone who would not ask any questions and just listen to me. “So, 2 girls… and did you already have names picked out for them?” Greta asked in her soft tender voice that made me feel more relaxed and open.
Taking a deep breath in I turned towards her after watching Ethan and the girls playing on a swing set off in the distance. I even pictured myself there pushing them in a swing. “Amelia and Katherine with a “K”…” I said before looking back towards my friends and then to my brother and girls who were just as real to me as everyone else was now. Greta thought the names were perfect knowing how much I loved my mother and my best friend. Whom had always been there for me through the worst of the worst, well almost the worst but kept that to myself and the best of the best. “They would both be two very lucky girls to be part of this family and would be loved more then you probably even realize” she said as she kissed and hugged me before getting up. I noticed the changing of the sky and headed towards the guest house to change into my more formal dress that no one had seen yet.
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