Mother of the Moon - Chapter 133 - The Beta's Grief
Lunaya.
After a few moments of silence, Cole finally spoke.
“How did you do it?” he asked me quietly.
“Do what?”
“How did you live all these years without her, without your family?”
Wow. Where did that come from? How do I even answer that? I knew immediately he wasn’t talking about Alyse anymore. I took a sharp breath and thought about my answer. I guess the short answer is Alyse. She didn’t let me wallow in my grief as much as I wanted to. She gave me a reason to keep going. But Cole, he has so much sadness inside him. He is grieving. How did I not see it before? He must have lost someone. My instincts told me to wrap my arms around the young Were and hold him. I want to sooth him, make him feel better, tell him everything will be okay. This boy, he’s still just a kid, and the mother in me wants to settle him.
“You lost someone” I said out loud. He didn’t answer me, and that in itself was an answer.
“It was recent, wasn’t it?” Again no answer. His breathing became short and harsh and the sadness seeping out of him was painfully obvious.
“Cole, there is no short answer and there is no quick fix. After the hunters attacked and I lost everything, I wanted to die. I prayed for it. But I had Alyse, she gave me something to live for. She lessened the pain, even if I still live with it every day, she made it bearable”.
I turned my head to see him and he was hunched over with his face in the palm of his hands. His chest heaved up and down with ragged breaths and I heard muffled sobs coming from him. I lifted my hand and gently rubbed his back.
“Did you lose your Mate?” I asked him softly. He shook his head in reply and sat up right, wiping his eyes and nose roughly with the back of his hand.
“They killed my mother when I was five, and then they took my father. All because we had to protect her!” he really spat the word ‘her’ and it made me rear back. Is that who he is angry with? The Goddess, not the hunters?
“You blame her?” I asked, my confusion at the front of my mind. How could it possibly be her fault and how could he actually think that it is? Surely, I am misreading this.
“Of course I do. If she never showed up here, everything would still be fine. My father would still be here and I’d still have my best friend” he hissed angrily.
“It was not her that killed your father, it was not her that brought them here, it certainly was not her that made them kidnap her as a pup. All of that was done by the hunters. Because of their greed, and their hate, and their desperate desire to wipe out all of Were-kind. They only saw her as a means to an end, and if she wasn’t here, the hunters still would have come eventually. They still would have killed your father and many more. They still would have continued in their mission to kill us all”.
He glared at me as I spoke, obviously not liking that I was putting him in his place. His nostrils flared and his lips pressed together hard. After he didn’t respond, I continued,
“I understand grief and pain and anger. Trust me, I have known a lot of it. But I also know that your anger is misplaced. You are looking for a reason, for something to make it all make sense, but you will never find it. The hunters a ruthless and merciless and unreasonable, they are the true enemy here. Not the Goddess”.
Cole sat quietly seething in his anger. I kept my hand on his shoulder, feeling the heat slowly leave his body. After a few minutes he was calm and I decided to continue.
“I can see your side, they wanted her and they came to find her. In doing so, chaos reigned down on this pack. But my boy, that was not about her, that was about them. Don’t let your anger and your grief take control of your life. If you do, they win. If you do, your mother and your father have died in vain”.
“Why are you helping me?” he asked glancing at me quickly.
“Why wouldn’t I?” I threw back at him,
“She’s your daughter, and I’ve just told you that I hate her. Why would you continue to talk with me after that?”
“Because I know you don’t really hate her. That is just your grief talking. In fact, I think you feel the opposite, I think you care for the Goddess a great deal”.
He huffed and growled quietly but didn’t respond. I can see so much of my own young self in this kid. The anger he holds, the grief and pain. I felt it all too. And if not for Alyse, I would have given over to it also. Just like Cole is on the precipice of doing.
“Why does it feel so easy to talk to you? I don’t even know you?” he asked accusingly.
“Well, that’s just because I’m amazing. Can’t you tell?” I chuckled and slapped his back. He chuckled a little and I finally saw a light inside of his broken soul. After a few moments of just sitting together peacefully, a wave of guilt washed over me. but it wasn’t my guilt, it came from Cole.
“Something is bothering you” I noted,
“I did something” he said softly,
“What kind of something?” I asked, keeping my tone level,
“Something bad” he clipped out.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
“I can’t” he whispered. I sat quietly and thought about what he said. It was no doubt adding to his anger and sadness, whatever it is he has done.
“Is it something you can come back from?” I tried to push him as gently as I could, but his words were now making me feel very anxious. What could he have possibly done?
“I... I don’t know” he replied, slumping forward once again.
“Look, I don’t know what you have done, but I can see you, Cole. You’re a good Were. I’m sure that whatever it is, you can find a way to make it better. All you can do is try”
“I don’t know about that” he said dejectedly.
“You’ll figure it out” I said standing up and patting his shoulder.
“In the meantime, if you want to chat, come find me. We’ll be hanging around for a while” I put my hands in my pockets and turned to walk away,
“Wait” he called and stood up also.
“You are going to tell her though, aren’t you?” he asked as his eyebrows pressed together, creasing his forehead.
“I will, when the time is right” I assured him.
“Don’t wait too long ay, you’ve both already missed a lot”
“See, I knew you cared about her” I smiled and walked off back through the clearing. It was time to get Venus and head back to the hut.
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