Twin Moon - Chapter 205 - Grief
Zelena.
“How could I be excited. The Beta position was never meant for me. I'm a Delta, that was who I was meant to be. Not this. This was Cole’s thing. He was born for it, and he was the best fucking Beta I have ever seen, until he wasn’t. I could never live up to that” Smith rushed out as he twisted and squeezed his fingers together. He was both angry and sad, I didn’t have to be able to smell him to know that. A few people have been openly angry about Cole, about his death and about what he did. Well, those of us that knew about what he did anyway. We thought it best to keep the finer details a secret. As far as the pack is concerned, it was Artemis that betrayed us. Only those in the inner circle know the full truth.
“Besides, I don’t know if I want to live up to it. I don’t know if I want it at all” Smith said softly after a brief pause. I grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back to me so that he was looking at me.
“We haven’t talked much since that day. Since Cole...” I paused and swallowed,
“Since Cole died” I forced out.
“We’ve both been a bit preoccupied” Smith tried to shrug it off,
“That’s no excuse. You're my best friend Smith, you were my first friend. I'm sorry I haven’t been there for you. I should have tried harder”
“Don’t beat yourself up princess, I haven’t really made much effort either” he replied and took my hands.
“You found your Mum, Zee. That's kind of huge”
“I did, and it is. And you lost your best friend" I answered while nodding. I knew he was trying to avoid talking about it. About Cole. But I'm no fool and he can’t play me anymore. Smith pulled his hands away from mine and snarled,
“Don’t call him that” he hissed.
“Why not? He was your best friend. Being dead doesn't change that” I answered, keeping my shocked expression from appearing. Why on earth would he say something like that? I never picked Smith to be a grudge holder.
“But being a traitor does” Smith snarled. I looked over Smith’s face before I answered him. His brows were frowning and pushing together in the middle. His lips were pulled into thin tight lines. His whole faced looked pinched tight.
“Do you really think he betrayed the pack? Cole, the best Beta you had ever seen. You really think he betrayed you?” I asked him smoothly.
“It doesn’t matter what I think, it’s what he did” he answered without hesitation.
“I don’t believe that. Cole was angry about his dad, and upset about a lot of things, but I honestly don’t think he intended to betray anyone” I said as I shook my head slightly,
“How can you defend him? It was your life he put in danger. If he hadn’t taken that damned phone call then that stupid Origin Alpha never would have come here, he never would have taken you, and Cole never would have fucking died” Smith growled, his voice raising in volume with each word. And there it was. Smith wasn’t angry at Cole for talking to Galterio. He was mad that Cole was killed. I reached over and took one of Smith’s hands and wrapped it in both of mine.
“Smith, he answered the phone when it rang. He didn’t reach out to anyone, and he didn’t plan on betraying anyone. In a moment of weakness, he let slip that the Triple Goddess had risen. That was all. Just one phone call. There was no sinister plot and no big plan. It was just a simple mistake”
“And look at everything that came from that simple mistake. We went to war and lost more pack members. We hadn’t even healed from the last battle we were in. Gunner got infected with that dark shit and Cole went and got himself killed”
“You’re angry at Cole for dying?”
“Of course I fucking am! How could he just die? He was meant to grow old in this pack with Gunner and me. He was supposed to find a Mate and adopt a bunch of little pups. He was meant to be here Zelena. He was meant to be the Beta. He was meant to fucking live” Smith blurted out angrily. But that anger quickly turned to sorrow, and tears filled his eyes. Just as quickly, those tears began to flow down his face. I wrapped my arms around Smith and pulled him into me. He heaved and huffed with broken sobs and my own tears started to fall. Smith’s arms came around my back and he laid his head on my shoulder. We stayed that way for a long while. The both of us crying and taking comfort in each other. He had been holding it in. This whole time Smith had been denying his sadness. And now it had burst like a broken dam.
“Cole died, it's horrible and tragic. But you couldn’t do anything to change it, none of us could. It’s okay to be sad about it, and it’s okay to be angry. But don’t let your grief control your future. Cole would be so pissed at you if he knew that you were flaking on being the Beta. Do it for Cole, and for yourself. You deserve it Smith. And you’ll do great” I told him while holding him against me. He didn’t respond right away, but his crying had seemed to stop.
“You’re right. I’m sorry” he sniffed and sat up. He wiped the tears from his face and smiled weakly,
“You don’t need this right now”.
“This is exactly what I need. I've missed you” I smiled and wiped away a patch of wetness from his cheek that he missed.
“I’ve missed you too” he smiled and flicked my nose,
“Do you feel better now, after getting that out?” I asked him with a smile,
“I do actually” he smiled back,
“Do you forgive him?”
“I do. You’re bloody smart, you know that”
“Yeh, I know” I chuckled and flicked my hair over my shoulder. Smith took a deep breath and looked out over the pack grounds.
“I think it may have been for the best you know, with how things ended the way they did” he said slowly,
“How do you mean?” I asked confused,
“I mean, even if I understand and I believe what you said, even if it all was just a mistake, Gunner never would have forgiven him. He probably would have banished him”
“He would not!” I squawked. Banishment, seriously. Gunner wouldn’t have done that, surely not.
“He would. When it’s about you and his pup, he would do anything” Smith said with confidence,
“Even to Cole though?”
“Even to his own mother, Zee”
“But banishment? That’s extreme” I said quietly and turned to look away. Some of what he said makes sense. Gunner has still been so angry about Cole. Would he have kicked him out though?
“Yep. And Cole would never have gone to another pack. His soul is with Tri-Moon. He would have ended up becoming Feral, and no one wants that”
“What’s Feral?” I asked. I've not heard the term before. How has that not come up in any of my werewolf training?
“That’s a conversation for another time, princess” Smith said as he stood up,
“I have some work to do. Your bodyguard is over there, will you be okay?” he asked with his hands on his hips. I looked over his shoulder and sure enough, Tobias was sitting and watching us from the fire pit.
“Yeh I'll be fine, will you be okay?” I asked him with a small chuckle,
“I’m alright. Here" he said and reached his hands forward for me to grab. I took his hands and he pulled me to my feet and helped me down the steps.
“Geeze woman, you’re like a walking beachball already” Smith laughed as I stepped off the last step,
“Hey!” I cried and slapped his chest. He laughed and jumped back and swatted my hand away,
“Just kidding, you know you’re gorgeous. Pregnancy suits you” he teased and placed his hands on my belly.
“You’re mean” I sulked and pushed my bottom lip forward. He laughed and leaned forward to quickly kiss my cheek.
“And you’re round” he giggled and turned around to run before I could hit him again.
“Asshole!” I shouted as he headed for the main house,
“She’s all yours, mighty warrior” Smith called to Tobias with a laugh as he passed him. Tobias shook his head and stood up, he brushed his hands on his pants and walked over to me.
“I’ll hit him. If you want me too, I'll punch him right in that pretty face of his” Tobias said with a hopeful tone.
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