Twin Moon - Chapter 219 - Dreams
Whiskey.
The trip across the water was slow and incredibly boring. The water was calm, thankfully. But the boat was fucking slow. I was only able to push it up to nine knots before I thought it was going to fall apart. Which meant I was in for a long night. I took a nap, I skimmed through a book I found, I tinkered with the pipes that the old man was working on, and I downed what was left in the whiskey bottle. When I laid back down on the cot I found in the hull, I was pretty well tipsy. The buzz wouldn’t last long, but long enough to knock me out for another short sleep. I closed my eyes and drifted off, only to relive the same dream that has taunted me all my life.
-
She was back. Just like always. She stood before my small and beaten body, looking down at me. She looks just like me, or like I did a I child. Her mouth was moving as per usual. She was talking to me, but she didn’t make a sound. I strained my hearing trying to hear her words, but there was nothing. I stood up slowly, and as I rose, I grew. I went from being a small broken child to the strong woman I am today. The me in front of me changed as well. She grew as I did. I watched her body change, get taller and more womanly. I watched her face grow, chubby cheeks morphed to a slim face with big eyes. But when she stopped aging, she looked back at me and smiled. She moved her hands down and placed them over her swollen stomach. She was pregnant. I looked down at my own stomach, and I was pregnant. This had never happened before. How could I be pregnant. That's not possible. I want to wake up now. The other me stepped forward and smiled softly at me. She moved her hand and placed it over mine. Her mouth moved as she spoke, but again, she made no sound. I was becoming more and more frustrated. Why can’t I hear her. Other me lifted her hand and placed it on my cheek. The touch was soft, calming, it felt familiar. I blinked and we were no longer standing in my old frozen cell. We were outside, but it was snowing. There was snow all around us, everything was white. The other me looked to her left and I followed her line of sight. Buried in the snow beside us was a crib. As I peered into the crib, I saw two babies. Fat little babies, holding hands and smiling up at us. This dream has become something else completely. Why am I dreaming about babies. Why am I pregnant. This is fucked up. Other me stepped up to the crib and peered down at the chubby little babies. I felt compelled to follow her, and so I did. I stood at her side, and she took my hand. I felt it. I know that I'm dreaming, but I can feel her hand in mine. I can feel the warmth and the smoothness of her skin. I can actually feel her, for real.
-
I shot up and looked down at my stomach. It was back to normal, flat, no signs of growing life. Thank fuck for that. I lifted my hand and looked it over. It was like I could still feel the other me holding it. Her fingers pressing into my hand and the warmth left behind, it was all too real. What the actual fuck was that about. I have dreamt about myself for as long as I can remember. But it was always the same, another me talked but I could never hear it. This was something else entirely. My body was shaking, and I felt wired. This dream rattled me, more than anything else ever has. All of the anxiety and frustration I have been feeling over the past few days, just increased tenfold. I don’t understand what is happening.
There has only ever been one other time that I felt this out of control. I may have a temper, and I am definitely no pillar of self-control. But I always knew what I was doing and why. When I got angry and when I lashed out, I could always pull it back to a single moment, the reason or the cause of my outburst was never unknown. But this. This dream, this unnerving feeling that I have. I can’t trace it to any one thing. It is making me question myself. And I swore to never do that again.
**Eighteen months ago.**
If you asked me two years ago how I thought my life would turn out, this was definitely not it. I didn’t think it was possible to stray this far from my training. I was raised a certain way, I was taught to think and do things a certain way. I didn’t think it was possible to push that part of me so far to the side. That part of me feels like a whole other life ago now. And it is all because of Saxton. I have no idea why I didn’t kill him, or in the very least, leave him hanging from those chains in the dungeon. He was unlike any beast I had come across. I was drawn to him in a way I have never felt with another soul. It’s been nearly six months and the feeling hasn’t lessened. If anything, it is getting worse. I worry about him. When we run through a new compound, I am more focused on him and if he is okay, than I am about me and what I am doing. He has become the most dangerous of distractions. But I can’t give him up.
“Tesoro” his smooth and creamy voice called me. I wrinkled my nose and walked over to him,
“Don’t call me that” I hissed up at him as I walked past. As much as I enjoy hearing it. As much as my heart flutters each time I hear him call me by my given pet name, I can’t let it show.
“Do you prefer I call you Stellina?” he crooned and ran his fingers up my arm. I shivered and stopped walking. My skin was prickling with a thousand needles over the path his finger had traced. My body was alight with a burning desire. I wanted him to call me anything he wanted, as long as he was mine. I wanted his hands on my body, and his lips against mine. I wanted to smell him, taste him, feel him. I wanted him. But it could never happen. I turned to face him and glared the best glare I could muster.
“I want you to call me by my name. Whiskey” I grunted. He smiled and stepped closer to me. One arm came around my lower back and he pulled me into him. The other hand came up to slowly push some stray hair behind my ear. He angled his head down, so that his mouth was hovering not far above my own. Even over the stench of gunpowder and smoke, I could still smell him. The scent of dark chocolate and cherries. It's intoxicating.
“You are too beautiful to be called something as horrid as Whiskey. You are a treasure, and so I will call you as such” he said softly in a low and seductive tone. His sweet breath hit my face and I gulped. My heart thundered in my chest and my stomach turned in on itself. My breath caught in my throat, and I was frozen. Saxton has never stopped trying to win me over. Since the day I freed him and took him away from that place, he has tried to win my affection. Little does he know it is a losing battle. I have no love to give. No affection, kindness or attention. I have nothing to give him. Nothing but pain and death.
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