Mother of the Moon - Chapter 190 - Epilogue Part 1
Zelena.
My brain is ready to explode. Firstly, I find out that I'm pregnant, which of course I'm thrilled about now. Admittedly, I was terrified at first, but it’s hard to be scared when so many people around you are happy and excited. Their excitement has rubbed off on me. Roe has already started arranging a Litter Party, which is apparently like a baby shower. She hasn’t let me see it, but I know she is working on a nursery as well. Nat has been a constant at my side. Always happy to talk babies and throwing ridiculous baby names at me. Something is going on with Nat, I can’t put my finger on it yet. She has been avoiding talking about herself, which is weird and alarming all on its own. Each time I try to talk about her, she swings the topic back around to me or babies. Maybe she is just lonely, with Smith taking on most of the Beta duties, he is barely around. I understand if that’s what is bothering her, I miss him too. Smith is my closest friend and he always knows how to cheer me up. But if it’s not about Smith, then I don’t know. I'll get it out of her eventually though.
Second, Cole died, along with forty-three of our fighters, plus another sixty-five from the allied packs. Tri-Moon took a huge hit. I feel each and every one of their deaths personally. I can’t shake the feeling that it’s all my fault. They went there for me, and they died trying to get me back. Their deaths are mine to carry. The funerals lasted a week and the whole village was in mourning. Another placard has been fitted to the stone in the memorial garden. But Cole got his own stone. A pure white marble rock, carved into the shape of a howling wolfs head. Dealing with his death has been really hard. Gunner has been shutting me out when I try to bring him up. That first night back, when we were in bed together, it is the only time he has let me see him cry over it. I can feel how torn he is. He still holds so much anger towards Cole, he feels betrayed by him. But the guilt and sadness he feels, it’s eating away at him. I just wish he would allow himself to mourn. He lost his best friend, his chosen brother and his Beta. Holding it all in is destroying him. Which is not helping with the whole darkness thing.
Which brings me to third, Gunner has been told to get rid of the darkness or else Selene will take away his wolf, and our True Mate bond along with it. I'd be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified. But he has been working so damn hard, and I can see the toll it is having on him. He is tired and drained most days, but he never misses an opportunity to show me love and affection. He is constantly rubbing my steadily growing baby bump. Gunner hasn’t been around me a whole lot lately, not as much as before the kidnapping anyway. I think he is still worried about accidently hurting me again. I can’t push him though. Apparently, I need to keep a calm and level head when he is around. Spiking emotions is what brings out the darkness. Or so I was told. Gunner has been spending a lot of time training and meditating with Lunaya. By all accounts, she appears to be helping him. I'll hand it to her, she knows a hell of a lot about all of this, and I’m thankful that she’s here. But I have been actively keeping my distance from her.
Which takes me to fourth, Lunaya. The woman that claims to be my mother. After her little confession the night in the kitchen, I have kept away from her. I don’t know how to process this. With Selene returning my memories, I see her as my mother. She was the one that was there as I grew up. But now, this she-wolf is here, and I am meant to just accept her? I don’t know if I can do that. I often find myself on the porch swing, it’s relaxing and the pup seems to enjoy it. When I'm swinging gently back and forth, I don’t feel the need to spew. Each time I sit on the swing and look out over the village, I always seem to find Lunaya. I end up watching her as she talks with the Luna Eclipse she-wolves, or with her Mate Alyse. I don’t even think I am doing it intentionally, my gaze just seems to gravitate to where she is. She is a beautiful woman. Tall with defined muscles, lightly tanned skin and dark golden hair. I look absolutely nothing like her. But there are things that she does, the way she chews on her bottom lip when she thinks, she flexes her fingers when she is frustrated, and she lowers her chin when she’s angry. These are the same things that I do. I have so many questions that I need her to answer, and I know I will need to sit down and have a conversation with her eventually. Just not yet.
And finally, fifth, Tobias. He stays close to me, like he always did, but this time I am never out of his sight. I think he feels guilty about not being there when Galterio took me. Our bond is as strong as ever. I feel myself craving his presence when I am feeling stressed or upset. And like the good guardian that he is, he comes to me. Like he knows when I need him. When I'm not with Nat or Gunner, I'm with Tobias. He is almost always sitting next to me on the swing. With his long legs he can reach the ground and so he swings us. I haven’t been able to pry the details from him yet, about what happened to him in the forest. He knows that I can feel the change in him, and he hasn’t denied it. But he also hasn’t admitted to it yet. He feels bigger, in every sense of the word. Not only has our bond gotten stronger, but he has too. I can see the power radiating around him. It's like a pale glow under his skin. However, I seem to be the only one that can physically see it. The others can only feel the difference. I suppose he will tell me when he is ready. Or at least he better.
We've got only five more days until Gunner’s time is up. I have every faith that he can do it, if he hasn’t already. I can feel the change in him. He may be tired and exhausted all the time, but he is far less angry. I haven’t seen the darkness spill from his fingers in almost a week now. I think we’ll be fine, but time will tell I suppose.
“You are staring again” Tobias’s gruff voice rumbled next to me. I snapped my eyes away from where Lunaya sat talking animatedly with the Alpha from Luna Eclipse. They both leant in close as they laughed and smiled at each other. I've come to realise that they are very close.
“Huh?” I huffed up and Tobias,
“Why don’t you talk to her? Ask her all those questions that you’ve got swirling around inside your head, maybe then you’ll feel a little less... weighed down” he said while watching Lunaya.
“I don’t know. How am I meant to approach this? Do I just be like ‘hey Mum glad your back, it’s okay that you left me in the hands of a hunter that tortured me my whole life, kisses’. I don’t know what to say to her” I grumbled. Self-doubt and uncertainty flooded my mind. Tobias lifted his arm and rested it over my shoulders, he pulled me to his side so that I could lay my head on his massive pectoral. I lifted my hand and intertwined my fingers with his as they hung over my shoulder. A sense of calm instantly washed away all the negative thoughts and feelings, and I took a deep breath.
“Do you really think that she left you voluntarily, or is that just your own self-doubt talking?” he asked gently. His voice still came out in a deep rumble.
“I don’t know. No. Maybe. Ugh! Why does this have to be so hard?’ I groaned and banged my head against Tobias’s chest. He laughed, which vibrated through his chest, making my head bounce.
“You are the one making this hard. All you have to do is walk over there and say ‘let’s talk’. You know she is dying for you to reach out to her”
“Well, she could reach out to me first, why do I have to be the one to make the first move?”
“Little one, she is giving you your space. Letting you work through your own thoughts and feelings until you are ready to talk. She will not approach you because she doesn’t want to push you”.
“What makes you so sure?” I asked sarcastically,
“Let’s just say that I know, and then leave it at that, okay” he answered me bluntly,
“But how do you know?”
“Drop it Zelena” he grumbled.
“Arrrgh! Fine. But you’ll have to tell me sooner or later you know”
“Later it is then”. We went back to silently swinging on the chair, watching the village life move on around us. With my head on Tobias’s chest and the warmth of his body washing over me, his steady heartbeat was slowly lulling me to sleep.
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
