Twin Moon - Chapter 224 - Alone
Zelena.
“It’s nearly time” was all he said. Time? Time for what? Before I got the chance to ask, the door opened and a set of heavy footsteps entered. Tobias growled a warning from behind my head. I forced open one of my eyes and looked at the person in the doorway.
“Watch yourself, Guardian. Don't forget who I am to that girl” Lunaya growled back. She looked dishevelled and tired, but her eyes held a wildfire deep in the brown of her iris. She shifted her angry gaze from Tobias and down to me. Her face softened the moment our eyes connected.
“Zelena” she huffed.
“Lunaya” I croaked back. Her eyebrows shot up and she stared at me with wide eyes.
“You’re talking again?” she said surprised. I didn’t answer her. There was nothing to say. She stood there unmoving, and I just laid on my bed watching her. A second later, another searing pain shot down my back. I hissed again and jolted on the bed, colliding my back into Tobias’s chest. Lunaya jumped forward and onto the bed in front of me. One of her hands went to my stomach and the other to my forehead. Tobias growled and moved his hand lower on my stomach. Lunaya looked over my shoulder at him and nodded her head. She moved back off the bed and knelt down at the side so that we were now at eye level.
“Zelena, sweetheart, your contractions have started. We need to move you downstairs to the delivery room” she said softly and slowly, like her words were going to hurt me. I know I should be excited or happy, or even scared. But I felt nothing. Nothing but the huge hole where my heart should be, where Gunner should be.
“Okay” I answered quietly.
The bed shifted and Tobias’s body was gone, only for him to reappear in front of me. He gently moved his arms under me and lifted me off the bed. Another pain rushed down my back and I winced. I gripped onto Tobias’s shirt and held on until the pain passed again. I rested my head on his shoulder as he carried me down the stairs and into the hall. The room has been cleared of all the furniture and pack memorabilia and replaced with medical supplies. It smelt like a hospital, with that sterile clean scent overwhelming my nose. A large hospital bed sat in the middle of the room with screens and monitors all around it. Trolleys lined with tools and clothes and other supplies were against the wall, next to what looked like a clear plastic bassinet. When did they do all this? How did they even get all this equipment?
Tobias laid me gently down on the bed and moved to stand at the head. I rolled over and curled my legs up as far as I could. I should be excited. I want to be excited. But I can't move past what is missing. I can’t seem to ignore the missing presence of my Mate. Another contraction hit and I tensed my body. I've felt worse pain. My entire childhood was built on a foundation of pain. This will be nothing compared to that. Right?
“Roe has called for the doctor, he should be here soon. He did show me how to administer the morphine. Do you want something for the pain?” Lunaya asked as she walked over to the side of the bed and into my line of sight.
“I don’t feel any pain” I answered her numbly.
“Oh, I... um. Okay" she mumbled and shuffled away. I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. But apparently that wasn’t in the cards for me either. So, I did what I have been doing for the past few weeks. I lay in a comatose state, closing myself off to the numbness, ignoring the voices and the faces. And now, also cutting myself off from the emptiness caused by his absence.
A little while later Roe came in, a huge smile on her face and an excited hop to her step. She gently caressed the side of my face, sweeping my hair behind my ear.
“Beautiful girl” she cooed and pressed her lips to my forehead.
“The doctor is here, are you willing to talk to him?” she asked me. I huffed and nodded, then forced myself to sit up again. Another contraction rolled through me, causing me to hold my breath and wince. They were getting closer together and the intensity was increasing.
“Breathe through it, Miss Baxter. You have to work with the contraction, not fight against it” the doctor said as he walked into the room. I remember him. Dr Tenner. The doctor that helped me after I was shot, and he was at the pack grounds after the battle with the Origin Wolf pack.
“You” I blurted out.
“Yes, it’s nice to see you again Miss Baxter” Dr Tenner said with a smile. He turned to Roe and his smile quickly disappeared and was replaced with a frown.
“Even though I should have seen you a lot more regularly during your pregnancy. Not just when you’re in labour” he said firmly while glaring at Roe. She stood up and placed her hands on her hips.
“She-wolves have been delivering their own babies for thousands of years. I don’t need a human, let alone a man, to explain childbirth to me” she growled and flashed her canines at him. His face paled and he stumbled back a little. He got too comfortable, too brave. I don’t think that will happen again for a while. Roe looked at me and winked. I tried to force a smile back to her, but it didn’t work. If anything, I just twisted my mouth upwards in an awkward grimace. She moved away from the bed and sat down on a chair next to Lunaya.
“I apologise” Dr Tenner grunted and came over to the side of the bed. Tobias stepped closer and a low growl vibrated from him. Dr Tenner froze and looked up at my giant guardian. If he was pale before, he was almost translucent now. It looked like he was going to faint.
“It’s okay Tobias” I said in a monotone voice. Tobias stayed at my side, but his growling stopped.
“I am just going to feel your stomach, and then we’ll do a quick exam to see how far you’ve dilated” Dr Tenner said while looking at me. I could tell he was trying his darndest not to look at Tobias again. But the bead of sweat on his forehead, the pale clamminess of his skin, not to mention the stench of his anxiety, it all gave him away. He was a nervous wreck. I nodded in agreement and lifted my shirt, well Gunner’s shirt. Dr Tenner went to work pushing and poking my stomach. Another contraction hit and he coached me through it as he felt my baby belly. Dr Tenner showed me how to breathe, doing it with me, until the contraction stopped.
“Very good. You're right where we want you to be. Now if you could please slip out of your underpants, we’ll do your exam” he said and quickly moved away. I pulled my underpants down my legs and discarded them on the floor. I would normally be embarrassed or uncomfortable with another man, any man that wasn’t Gunner, looking at my nether regions. But I didn’t have it in me to care.
“Put your feet together and let your knees drop to the sides, please” Dr Tenner said calmly. He dragged the trolley with the ultrasound machine on it over to the end of the bed. He then placed a blanket over my legs before he sat down on a small stool.
“You’re about five centimetres and progressing quickly” Dr Tenner said as he sat back up from between my legs and pulled off his gloves. I breathed through another contraction, just like he showed me.
“Can’t you just put me under and cut it out” I asked blankly. Roe gasped loudly and Lunaya shot to her feet.
“You want a caesarean?” Dr Tenner asked hesitantly,
“I just want it over with” I answered him honestly.
“Zelena, baby, you don’t want that” Lunaya said softly as she stepped towards the bed.
“What would you know?” I asked her. I don’t know if she was stunned by the question or by the lack of emotion in my voice, but she was surprised nonetheless.
“I know that you’re hurting right now. I know that you probably feel like you have nothing left in this world. I know that there would be this gaping hole in your life that cannot be filled by anything other than your Mate” she answered and stepped up to the bed. A pang of pain radiated through my chest. She was pretty much spot on. But I will not allow myself to feel that pain. I don’t want to. When I didn’t answer, she went on.
“I lost my Mate too, remember. He may not have been my True Mate, but he was everything to me. When he died, my life collapsed”
“GUNNER IS NOT DEAD!” I screamed. Another contraction hit, this one worse than the others, and a burst of energy exploded out of me. It shook and rattled the instruments and forced Lunaya to her knees. I could feel my wall breaking. The barricade that I had put in place to keep out all of the feelings, all the emotions, all the bad stuff, it was starting to crumble. Lunaya struggled back to her feet and gripped the bed railing for support.
“I know he is not dead. He is coming back to you. Don't you want to tell him about how strong you were? Don't you want to share with him the birth of your pup” she said with a strained voice. I took a deep breath in, and with it, I felt another brick come crashing down.
“I don’t want to do it without him” I told her.
“You’re not doing it without him darling. He is still here” she said, pointing to my chest,
“And here” she pointed to my head.
“I understand this isn’t how you thought it would go. I know that you wanted him to be here with you, to coach you through it, to hold your hand. But we make do with the hand we’ve been dealt. Look around you sweetheart. You've been dealt a pretty good hand” Lunaya said as she looked over at the door. Nat was standing just inside the door, with Smith’s arm around her shoulder, both of them were looking at me with tears in their eyes. Lupus stood behind them with Alyse under his arm. I looked over to Roe, who was smiling back at me with tears streaming down her face. I looked up to Tobias, with his stone-cold expression. He shot me back a smile. A full ear to ear smile with his white teeth shining from behind his full lips. The kind of smile that I haven’t seen on his face in a long time. More of my wall tumbled and the pain in my chest thumped with every heartbeat. I looked back at Lunaya. She smiled sweetly and wiped a tear from my cheek.
“You are stronger than you know” she said quietly as she cupped my face. I stared into her soft brown eyes, and I saw everything that I was afraid of feeling. The rest of my wall shattered into a thousand tiny pieces, and it all came rushing back. The pain in my chest was the feeling of my heart breaking. Of remembering how my life was before Gunner came into it, and the crippling fear of going back to living that way. The unbearable terror of losing him, of him being taken away from me, from us, forever. I can’t let my baby grow up without a father, he has to come back to us. Gunner gave me everything. Gunner saved me. The thought of living without him is the scariest notion I have ever encountered.
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