CHAPTER HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-THREE
Xavier didn't come back until midnight when we'd already settled for the night. Lisbeth had tried as usual to get me to go out but I refused, content to watch through the window as we sped through space to a battle ground that might kill us all if care isn't taken.
“Hey baby,” Xavier whispered to my ear, pecking my head afterwards. “You're not asleep yet?”
“I can't sleep,” I muttered tiredly.
“Alright, let me take a shower and I'll come so we can remedy that,” he replied with a small wink.
I chuckled and sent him one smile back before he went into the bathroom.
I flicked mundane objects in the air with my powers, bored out of my mind as I waited for him.
I know I should be out there at least, seeing how the humans are adjusting to the changes around them and help wherever I can but I couldn't get myself to leave this room or my baby's side.
The fact that no one except Lisbeth and Roe tried to convince me to come out made me feel guiltier. It was like they were not expecting much from me anyway so it didn't really matter. Or maybe I had very little impact on my people so my absence didn't make any difference.
I shook my head and sent back the tulip strand back to the garden.
I missed the events of our last date night so much but I was scared to go in there and actually get lost in pleasant thoughts while my child was here battling to survive.
I hated how much guilt I felt even though I'd not actively done anything wrong. I felt like a failure in so many areas and just didn't know where to start undoing them.
“You're going back to that place in your mind again, hm?” Xavier said, popping me back to reality.
“I'm sorry, I just can't help it,” I replied miserably, looking at his shirtless body. I still felt attracted to him but I couldn't bring myself to feel anything other than that void in my head.
He sighed and came to my side of the bed and carried me up. Then he lay down and placed me on top of him before weaving his hands through my hair in a gentle caress.
“You're not at fault for anything that's happening. I am the one with terrible planning skills and I trusted the wrong people. I should be the one killing myself over our situation but I'm not because there's no way to make things better if we just focus on what went wrong,” he whispered to my ear.
“But it shouldn't have been this way. I imagined things to go in a completely different direction,” I whined. He cleaned a tear I didn't even know was dropping away from my eyes.
“I know baby but we're here now and the only way to go is forward.”
I nestled deeper into his embrace, his warmth gradually thawing the ice that wrapped itself around my heart.
“And from henceforth, you're going to have to come out of this funk so I'm getting you a human servant who will watch the baby while you go outside. This room is sucking away your soul, okay?”
“Must I go out?” I whined.
“Yes baby, you have to. Our child is not dead, in fact, you might even be scared for nothing. Very soon, he'll be out of that incubator and you'll see him smile and warm your heart deeply. I just hope you don't love him more than you love me.”
“Of course not! You have my heart, my body and my soul just as I have yours. I'll love our son so so much but you're not coming in second,” I assured him.
With the enthusiasm of my declaration, I kissed him passionately but stopped immediately I felt his dicks get hard under me.
I felt guilty again, for the umpteenth time. I was frustrated with myself. I wanted this, I want him more than ever before but I just couldn't bring myself to let go and enjoy anything.
“It's okay baby, whenever you're ready,” he whispered in my ear before kissing it.
“Even if it's when we're old?” I joked wistfully.
“Even if it's when we're old. I'll wait for you,” he assured me.
“You're amazing,” I said and kissed his neck, making him groan and we both smiled at the same time. “Oh, I remember now, I wanted to run this idea by you and nearly forgot,” I said, remembering why I'd stayed up all night waiting for him.
“Oh, what is that?”
“So you said ok the broadcast that since this ship was made in Zorvath, that they were tracking us,” I started.
“Yea, and it's taken away the element of surprise that I was hoping and depending on. I even thought about us going back to earth and making it work but I've already promised five million people a paradise that is theirs and theirs alone, how can I go back on my word and look so weak?”
“I understand that. It'll lead to lots of complications. They obey you because they see you as the most powerful Zorvathian. That'll change if you run at the slightest show of problems so here's my idea. We've gotten some of these Drakkonian materials, yea?” He nodded. “What if we make warships that can convey as many of the fighters as possible and go on a stealth mission. If they lose, well, at least the rest of the people are not annihilated and our son can grow up to try again sometime in the future but I know you're strong enough to lead them to victory, it's your destiny.”
“Wow, you're so brilliant my love,” he exclaimed, moving us to a sitting position.
I smiled, his praise washing over my body and mind.
“You think it could work?”
“Yes, definitely. Thank you so much,” he said, kissing my lips. “I promised to help you sleep, hm?”
I chuckled and snuggled deep into his embrace and allowed his calm voice wash away my worries as I drifted off to sleep.
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