CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
After a much needed bath, I got dressed in a maroon short gown that had a cute neckline and short sleeves and went to the dining room.
As I opened the door, I began to turn but he had already seen me.
“Come on in, love. Where are you going?” An overly excited Xavier called after me and I had to walk back in.
“The library,” I responded quietly but I was trying so hard not to check him out.
The war between my mind and my hormones was a ferocious one and I had to physically pinch myself so I could focus.
“You do need to eat before you can focus on whatever you're reading, you know? I had the chef whip up your favorite pie and a full English breakfast alongside it. You don't want his efforts to go to waste now, do you?” He asked me with that coy smile of his.
“Fine! But only because of the chef,”
“Of course,” he had the audacity to smirk. I hate him so much.
“Look, I've been meaning to apologize, I just couldn't bring together words that'll convey how sorry I am,” he began as I cut into my pie, dulling the amazing taste with the emotions that threatened to overwhelm me with his words.
“What have you done again?”
“Well, I.. um, I promised I wasn't going to use the mind control on you as you have actually done so much by sacrificing your pain for a cause you are not even a fan of and yet, I didn't even waste time in using it that night. I feel we'll be able to get past it if I apologize properly but I don't even know how to do that. I'm so terrible at this,” he spluttered but I was laughing hysterically.
“What did I say? What's funny?” He asked in shock.
"You think I'm upset about you using your power to save my life?" I asked with mirth, my eyes still watery from his body language.
"Yea, I thought that was why you still hated me," he said, raising his hand in gesticulations
"Of course not. I don't hate you, I just don't like the fact that I'm here to be used by you and instead of you to do that and leave me alone, you're demanding for my heart too, quite greedy if you ask me,” I replied, taking the chance to plead for my freedom again.
"I'm not the one doing that, Tessa. I hate that this is happening to you but my hands are tied too. In fact, if we want to talk about being used, I'm on top of that list. My father is using me to stamp his legacy on two planets, the ky'rhans are using me for their revenge, Xy'thern has been trying to use me to create the world that he wants even though I don't want that. Nobody actually sees me but I can't complain about it. I have to do my duty. But I stand by my promise that I'm never going to use the mind control again. You've already done way too much but I will keep trying to make you love me. I won't give up on that,” he declared and I was speechless for a second.
“You really don't have to do all that. That's not how love works, Xavier,” I muttered sadly
“I don't know how it works, I don't think I've ever been loved before. Can you teach me?”
“I don't know,”
“Well, let's focus on breakfast for now then we'll deal with everything else one step at a time, hm?” He said and I nodded.
He might not be using his power over my mind but the one he had over my body was being molded like a sculptor creating masterpieces without mercy.
Somehow, it seemed he noticed how much I loved seeing him in sweatpants and whenever he's at home and not going to work in his main office at the government house, he's on it with different tops that just made his body look edible.
Today, it was a brown, knitted sweatshirt with a matching brown sweatpant.
I sat down and got up and began serving me, making sure I saw his full outfit and the confidence that came with it
“You don't have to do that, I can serve myself,” I grumbled but he shushed me.
“Allow me,” he said, his voice deeper than before.
It reminded me of his early morning voice. It was a rough, but sensual sound that always made me go into the bathroom with the biggest urge to touch myself.
I've been fighting it obviously but everyday, I lose a chip off my strength and it was as if he knew all the right buttons to press.
I began eating, ignoring the way his eyes followed my movements. He even licked his lips, making no attempt to hide his interest
“You know, you nearly had me convinced it was just your kyran that wanted me,” I threw a jab at him.
“Ky’rhan,”
“What?”
“The word is Ky’rhan. I'm happy you're learning my language. You know we have humans on Zorvath,” he replied, successfully changing the topic and I sat up in shock
“Really? How are they surviving there?” I asked him in confusion.
“They’re fine I guess. I haven't been there before,”
“But isn't there like a war there or something?” I asked him and he dropped his spoon
“Look, you cannot tell anyone about this. I'm only telling you because I don't want to keep secrets from you anymore. I mean, you'll get Corbin or Theresa to tell you either way so it's best you hear it from me, I'm tired of being the villain in your mind,”
“Get to the point, Xavier,” I snapped, nearly rolling my eyes. He's trying to gather sympathy from me even though he is responsible for the way I felt about him but I wasn't giving in so easily.
“Sorry. So we're currently preparing for the journey back home and it's because we have to kill everyone there. We're not taking any prisoners, so I guess the humans there will be fine until we get there,”
“Wait, why do you have to kill everyone? What if they're good or something?” I exclaimed in shock.
“Well, there's that possibility but the consequences of leaving any traitor alive is too dangerous. Trust me, I wouldn't have agreed to it if there wasn't a genuine reason for it,”
“What reason could justify such mass genocide? These are your own people!”
“Not really. You're the only person I'm loyal to and there's nothing I won't do to make sure you are safe,” my heart beat wildly at his words
“How is killing the people in your world a safety measure for me all the way here?”
“This world is an asset, Tessa. Anyone who gets a hold of it has an endless amount of resources and you don't want the rebels to have access to it. We've locked it from the inside but once we're out, it'll be open for them to come back and once they know what we know now, well, I won't be the most powerful man in the world anymore, just one of many and at the risk of so many human women. So since I've never been there, there's no way of knowing who's loyal to us or them and if we ask, of course they're gonna choose the more powerful option which isn't really loyalty.”
Somehow, it looked like he actually did have a good heart, it just showed up once in awhile
“It seems that decision hurts you more than you let on,” I commented.
“Like you said, I'll be committing mass genocide but to my men and the entire upper class, I'm a Messiah saving our lost planet but I feel like a fraud,”
I couldn't help pitying him. He was fighting more than a physical war.
“Maybe there's another option. If you look for one, that is. I don't think butchering everyone is the best option. These powers you developed should be useful for something other than death,” I said to him and quickly got up from the table.
I hated how my heart was palpitating, it made no sense.
I literally felt like going to hold him so he didn't look so sad, so like the smart girl I was, I ran out of the dining room before I did something I'd regret.
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