It’s Time To Get Yourself Back
~T-Plus 21 Days Since miscarriage~
Mornings, afternoons, evenings, every day of the week, Elaine
spent all alone in her apartment, moving from the bedroom to the living room whenever she got bored. Dragging her feet forward to the living room, Elaine wrapped her messy hair that needed a wash into a tight bun on top of her head and walked out of the living room to the interconnected kitchen since she woke up in the morning about seven hours ago.
Cladded in a black hoodie and sweatpants, her usual mode of dressing for the past few weeks, she took out a pack of noodles from the counter and switched on the stove, aiming to make the same meal that she’d been having for the past few weeks.
She barely had the strength to stand up, to stabilize her breathing, or to have her bath, not to talk of time to cook a proper meal. If she hadn’t felt like she would faint in the next few minutes if she didn’t eat, she wouldn't have stayed for a while until she saw stars.
Once the noodles were prepared, she brought them down from the stove with the pot and placed it on the island table before retrieving a fork, sitting on a chair, and digging into her meal.
Elaine dug into her hoodie pocket and fished out her phone, her eyes staring at the ID of the number that played on her screen. Xavier’s phone number. She couldn’t recall how much time she’d spent staring at the screen, at the number, hoping that he would at least call her as time passed. But she’d been mistaken. They were really done for real this time.
But she missed him. Each day that passed felt like a whole year to her and the pain was almost unbearable to her. She missed him like crazy and wasn’t sure she would be able to last another day without him.
Before she could listen to the voice at the back of her head urging her to tap on the call button, she heard a knock on her door and a frown immediately settled on her forehead. Who was it? She wasn’t expecting anyone. Not too many people knew of her return to the apartment, right?”
Was it perhaps… She shook her head to dismiss the thought. But it might be, right? It might be Xavier. Oh, how she’d waited for him for the past few days to show up.
Without a second thought, she jumped out of the chair and ran toward the door. Elaine looked through the peephole, her frown deepening when she saw no one at the other side of the door.
Slowly, she pulled the chain of the door and pushed it open, poking her head out to look for who was at the door. When she found no one, she pushed the door open further and came out fully. Her eyes widened when the door was suddenly pushed open and someone rushed into the house. She swiveled around quickly, letting out a sigh when her eyes came in contact with Beth.
“It’s just you.”
“Were you expecting someone else? Well, it’s just me.”
“What did I say about coming here, Beth? I told you I want to be alone.”
“For a good three weeks? Are you crazy? I know you’re not going to let me in if you see me through the peephole. That’s why I hid at the side.”
She wrapped her hand around her chest. “What do you want now, Beth? Say if and leave.”
Beth gasped when her eyes scanned Elaine from her head down to her toes, her eyes filled with regret. Before Elaine could say anything, Beth closed the distance around them and wrapped her into a tight embrace. Elaine struggled to get out of her hold and when she realized her struggle was a futile attempt, she leaned into the warm embrace of a person after such a long while.
Slowly, she also wrapped her hand around Beth and sank into the embrace, blinking back the tears that threatened to escape her eyes. She thought that her tears had dried up over the days but it seemed that she was just wrong. It was still possible to cry a river if allowed.
“It’s fine, Elaine. Everything will be alright, okay.” Beth patted her hair. “Everything will be good.”
After a long while, she finally pulled away from the embrace and held Elaine’s shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright? Do you feel any discomfort?”
“I’m alright.” Her voice broke out in an attempt to force her tears back. “Why are you here, anyway.”
“I can come to see you whenever I want. Aren’t we friends?”
“Of course we are.”
“Then what?”
“It…it’s just that, I…I.”
“You’re not in the mood? It’s been weeks, Elaine. When are you planning to get out of your shell? Are you going to keep sitting at home all day, grieving like your life is coming to an end? We’re worried about you, Elaine. Everyone is worried.” She pulled away from her and stepped backward a bit. “Look at you. You don’t look half fine at all.” Beth’s tears began streaming down her cheek. “I swear, I’m so sad to see you this way. This isn’t you, Elaine. The Elaine that I know is unstoppable.”
“It’s because you don’t understand.”
“Trust me, I do.” She wiped her eyes. “Anyway, I came here for another purpose. I brought some files for you.” She stepped backward to the door and picked up the few files she’d dropped on the floor. She carried them to the island table in the kitchen and dropped them there before returning her gaze to Elaine. “These are the files that need your signature. You have to sign them soon. They’re important.”
“Beth… this.”
“Don’t complain. You’ve been away from work for so long. You think that’s cool? You know you can still be at home and work, right? But you’ve been away for way too long. It’s time to get yourself back, Elaine.”
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