Chapter 124
HANNAH
I bit down hard on my arm to keep in the sobs, but they came out anyway. The tears streamed down my cheeks. I was helpless to stop them. Not that I was even trying.
If they would bring me any sort of relief, then I would gladly let them flow. I would allow it to drown me, overfill me till my pains were gone.
I was tired, so tired. It felt like the weight of the world was pressing down on me, slowly but surely suffocating me. The hopelessness of it all fairly took my breath away.
I had hoped my life would get better with time. But time had brought nothing but one trouble after another.
Like it was yesterday, I remembered crying in this same bathroom long before I became the white wolf. Now, even with my new abilities, nothing in my life had changed.
Yes. I wasn't being bullied anymore, but at what cost? Everyone feared me or wanted me dead. Everyone still looked at me like some freak, the only difference was that they were too scared to say anything to my face.
I had been a weak, wolfless freak. Now I was powerful but still a freak.
Curling my hands into fists, I drummed them against my knees, wishing I could hit something or do anything to release my pent-up feelings.
'Snap out of it!'
The voice was harsh and impatient.
I stiffened and looked around for a second before I realized it was my wolf talking. It had been months now, and I still hadn't gotten used to my wolf's voice in my head.
'Sitting here thinking about a past you can't change isn't going to solve anything.'
I gritted my teeth. The anger simmering inside me bubbled and threatened to spill over. I was sick and tired of everyone giving me pep talks and I was damned if I was going to listen to yet another one from my wolf.
"Get out of my head," I said aloud, sitting on the toilet seat and crossing my arms stubbornly across my chest. "I'm allowed to throw a tantrum if I like. You can't stop me."
Her withering contempt almost made me cringe. Almost.
'Throwing tantrums won't help us. It won't magically make all the people that want us dead change their minds, so get your ass up and get back to whatever you're supposed to be doing. Up!' she hissed when I still didn't move.
I sat there for a little longer, then swiped the tears from my eyes and stood up. As annoying and as unwelcome as my wolf's thoughts were, I had to admit that she was right. Now more than ever, I had to be on my toes, always on the alert, if I wanted to stay alive.
I felt a sense of warmth and approval surround me, and then my wolf's consciousness retreated to the back of my mind.
"Don't get used to having your way all the time," I said, my words almost drowned out by the sound of my toilet flushing.
I adjusted my dress, and dabbed at my eyes again. I stepped out of my cubicle at the same time a girl, sitting close to the sink with her face to the mirror, turned.
Her feet, encased in designer boots, abruptly stopped swinging.
"Mia!" I exclaimed, more than a little flustered.
I had thought I was alone in the bathroom. Had she heard me talking to myself? Had she heard me crying?
"What are you doing here?" I quickly snuck a glance at my watch. Hardly fifteen minutes had passed since I had been called out of my class. "Shouldn't you be in class?"
Mia half smiled. "Yes, I should but I came here for some alone time instead. Honestly, I feel overwhelmed at times. Adjusting to being in a new school is harder than I thought it would be."
I searched her face. Was she intentionally trauma-dumping on me because she heard me crying? Was she trying to make me feel better?
"Mia, I don't.." I started.
Her face fell, and in that instant, I saw through her to the lonely and sad girl underneath.
I managed to dredge up a reassuring smile for her. Maybe she wasn't trying to make me feel better.
"It will get better, I promise," I said softly. "Just give it a little time, and you'll soon feel like you've been going to school here all your life. Take it from someone who used to be heavily bullied."
She nodded. "That's what I keep telling myself, but enough about me." She pointed to the black box-like machine on the ceiling, the girl's bathroom version of the public address system. "Thought you would still be in the principal's office. What are you doing in here?"
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