Chapter 312
WILLA
Sienna had left the library. So had most of the other students.
It was quieter now but I still couldn't focus, couldn't make sense of the words on the pages of the textbook.
I had been reading a page for close to half an hour already. As the minutes ticked passed, I had the sinking feeling that I was not going to be able to catch up on reading up on the lectures I had missed.
I was trying very hard and failing just as hard to make sense of a theory when a shadow fell across the pages of the book I was reading. I glanced up quickly.
My mouth went dry.
Lucian was in front of me, leaning against a shelf. The muscles scarcely hidden by his shirt bulged when he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Can I help you?" I said in the most casual tone I could manage.
I offered a silent prayer of thanks that I didn't sound as shaky and flustered as I felt inside.
Lucian regarded me for a long moment that felt like an eternity. Then he pushed off from the shelf, drew up a chair opposite me and straddled it.
"I came around to see if you were okay," he said.
"Why on earth wouldn't I be okay?"
Those brown eyes suddenly felt like they were staring right into my soul.
"Do I really have to spell it out?" he said slowly, a smirk on his face. "After Theron's little show earlier or should I say publicity stunt, I thought you might have need a break and that's why you decided to hold up in here."
I rolled my eyes at the ceiling and shut the book I was holding.
"It was just a shout-out, Lucian," I said. "Why you think something like that would affect me is a mystery. I'm fine!"
Endless moments of silence followed. Lucian kept looking at me like he was expecting me to say something more.
I restrained the urge to blab to fill in the suddenly uncomfortable silence. He wasn't going to get that reaction out of me!
Lucian suddenly leaned forward, tilting the chair on it's front legs.
"Willa," he said, his voice low and earnest. "What are we doing?"
My breath caught in my throat. Whatever I had been expecting, it was not that.
"What are you talking about?" I asked even though I knew exactly where he was going with this.
Hadn't I asked myself the same question over and over again?
"This," he said. "Us. The back and forth. What happened at the camp. All of it... What exactly are we doing?"
I couldn't get the book open quick enough. I ran my finger down the page, traced the letters in a sentence I couldn't even make sense of.
"I don't know," I admitted.
Lucian sighed. There was a low thump as all four legs of the chair fell back in place.
I could feel the tension like a tangible thing, rolling off Lucian.
"I'm sorry," he said like the words were being forced out of him. "I'm sorry for telling Theron we had sex. I admit I should not have told him something that personal. The creep just somehow managed to get under my skin."
My fingers curled around the textbook. I suddenly felt like throwing it at his head.
"It's not that Theron got under your skin," I snapped. "You did that shitty thing because you really don't care about my feelings. That's why you keep doing crap like that all the time."
"But-"
"And then there's the Theron you're always cussing out. At least he's sweet and thoughtful-"
"Hey-"
"Take you for instance, even though we're mates you haven't ever made a grand gesture for me. I'm sure you would rather have your fingernails pulled out one by one doing anything like what Theron did for me in front of the whole school. Or am I wrong?"
Lucian's mouth was a thin line. He had no answer to that one.
I said bitterly, "it's obvious you're playing me. You claim I'm not good enough for you. Yet you turn right around and ask me what we are to each other." I let out a bitter laugh. "You've really got some nerve, Lucian."
Lucian swore under his breath.
"Why are you bringing this up again?" he grumbled. "I thought we were already over the feelings part. I thought we had an understanding."
"That's what you told yourself. Newsflash. We haven't gotten over it because you have refused to define our relationship. So tell me..."
His eyes went to mine and then shifted.
"Tell you what?" he mumbled.
"For the last time, are we in a relationship or aren't we? Are you ashamed of me being your girlfriend or not?"
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