Chapter 326
WILLA.
i didn't say anything for several moments after he had finished speaking. My palm curled across his chest.
His hand over mine was hot and trembling slightly.
I could feel his heartbeat, strong and steady against my palm. This time, touching him, being near him did nothing to ease the chaos in my head.
I turned away slightly from him, focusing on something in the distance.
"Willa..." he said and stopped, unable to go on.
I closed my eyes, pulled my hand away. At first Lucian wouldn't let go.
Eventually he did. I let my hand drop to my side, curled them into fists and braced myself for what I was about to say.
It was not going to be easy. For him and especially for me. But even though it hurt to even contemplate, it was the right thing to be done. At least I thought so.
"Lucian, I need time," I said, my voice slightly unsteady but firm.
I heard Lucian catch his breath. He hunted about for words to say.
"But- but I thought we understood each other-" he began.
"I need time," I said again.
"Time to do what?" he said. "Time to decide if you still want me?"
His voice rose a little on the last word.
I looked at him, then away. His face was drawn and haggard. The iron self control he always imposed on himself was gone.
For an instant, I saw the boy beneath the prince, the one who hid hurt with arrogance. The one who was used to pushing people away before they could leave him.
Lucian's face worked as he tried to compose himself but the naked fear in his eyes still remained. Inside, my wolf trashed, desperate to do anything to ease the pain she knew he was feeling.
I shook my head and let the steel core in me, hidden but there, take over.
"I need time to remember who I am outside all of this," I said almost without thinking.
The moment I said the words, I knew they were true. All my time at Worchmount had been about either Lucian or Theron. Especially Lucian.
It was like I had come here and let all the parts of me that mattered get swept up in this twisted romance.
It was not healthy. It couldn't be.
"I need to do this, Lucian," I continued. "Because I can't keep getting pulled in different directions by the boys in my life. I need to figure out who I am again. I need to figure out what I really want."
Lucian opened his mouth to speak. I shook my head, motioning him to silence.
"I'm not saying I don't want you," I said.
"Then what?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "That's what you mean, isn't it?"
I made an impatient movement. "Can't you see? I'm way in over my head, loosing myself in you. It's not healthy."
"What's so wrong with that? Please, Willa... That's exactly the same way I feel about you. Can't you see? That's how it is when you're with your mate, especially now that I've claimed you." He made a grab at my hand. I pulled it back, out of his reach. "Listen to me..."
I took a deep breath, composing myself.
"I have listened," I told him. "Now I have made my decision."
"Theron," he said in a low, savage voice, spitting the name out like a cuss word. "He did this. You were so sure of me before..." He looked to me for confirmation. I did not deny it. "Willa, I'm begging you. Don't let him get into your head. I care for you. You know I do. No one else knows how deeply we feel with about each other, least of all Theron. Don't let him come between us."
"Lucian-"
Lucian took a step towards me. I warned him, with my eyes, not to come any closer.
He started to, then remained where he was.
Lucian's voice grew desperate as he said, "Can't you see that's just what he wants? Break up with me now and you would be playing right into his hands."
"I didn't say I was breaking up with you," I pointed out.
Lucian's hand was very unsteady as scrubbed it across his face.
"That's what people always say before a breakup. That they need space," he said under his breath. "And then the crash happens."
I shrugged. I was done explaining.
"If that's what you think," I said. "And for the record, I'm not letting Theron get into my head. You caused this."
"I know," he said miserably. "I'm sorry."
"Unfortunately being sorry doesn't magically fix everything. You lied to me. Now I don't know what to believe anymore."
"Believe in what we share," he urged.
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