Chapter 106 Consideration
Brad stumbled back a few steps, leaned against the concrete railing, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, took a deep drag, and exhaled a thick cloud of smoke. He spoke bitterly, "For you, this came out of nowhere. But for me, it's an opportunity I've waited over twenty years for. You have no idea how hard it's been for me all these years, loving you. The first time we met, you were just a tiny baby, not even a month old. I was afraid I'd hurt you, so I just touched your cheek with one finger. To my surprise, you smiled at me. I was only seven, but your smile melted my heart. I thought, this little baby is so adorable, I want to protect her. You were like a seed planted in my heart, growing into a small tree. I nurtured it, afraid you'd suffer any harm. When I was ten, I told Helen I wanted to marry you when we grew up. She scolded me, saying you were promised to Daniel before you were born. I couldn't accept it and cried every night. Even though I was young, I knew I couldn't have you, so I buried that affection deep and silently protected you. As you grew up, I fell deeper in love, afraid of hurting you. So, I used my studies as an excuse and only came home once every year or two."
After finishing his cigarette, Brad tossed the butt away, wiped his face, and his hoarse voice carried a hint of weariness.
After I turned fifteen, I rarely saw Brad. Emma always told Helen Brad was so busy that he was never around, and I thought he was just busy with school. Now I understand he was avoiding me.
So, during those years when I was chasing after Daniel, he was suffering so much.
But now, I'd just hurt his feelings.
How cruel of me!
Suppressing the panic in my heart, I shuffled over to him, step by step, to listen to him talk about things I didn't know.
"Seeing you with Daniel, so happy, many times I was right there, but you wouldn't even look at me. When you were a senior in high school, every time you talked to the family, I tried to find out which college you were applying to. My mom, Daniel, even Helen, all said you were applying to National Capital University. But I was secretly hoping you'd go to the Northern Institute of the Arts. That way, I could see you every day and be with you. On the day the college entrance exam results were announced, I knew you'd definitely go to the National Capital University. With your grades, you could easily get in. But I still held onto a sliver of hope and asked where you got accepted. When I heard you got into the Northern Institute of the Arts, I was ecstatic. I've never been so happy in my life. I got drunk that night for the first time, out of joy. Jane, whether you accept me or not, I won't blame you. After all, you've given me over three years to be by your side. These three years, I've been happy and content every day, and that's enough. Don't feel pressured. If you really want to be with Daniel, I can help you. As long as you're happy, that's all that matters." By the end, Brad was in tears. He turned his face away so I wouldn't see his red eyes.
My heart ached again.
Love needs a foundation. I wasn't sure if I could turn my sibling-like affection for Brad into something more. After what happened with Daniel, I didn't know if I had the courage to truly love again.
I wanted to try with Louis before, but if Louis were Brad, I wouldn't even dare. I was scared that if we couldn't be lovers, I'd lose Brad too.
But another voice in my head said, "How do you know if you don't try? Jane, be brave, give it a shot."
After much thought, I still couldn't decide.
Brad patted my head and said, "Jane, are you hungry? Let me take you to eat." He said it was okay, that I should forget everything he just said, as if it never happened. He'd still be my brother, and I'd still be the little sister he watched grow up. He'd continue to take care of me in the way I liked and could accept.
Isn't that touching? How could it not be? I'm not cold-hearted. My heart felt soft and sour. To be cherished by Brad like this, what more could I ask for?
But I couldn't promise him anything right now because I was still unsure of my feelings, and it wouldn't be fair to Brad.
"Brad, can you give me some time to think about it? You say you like me, but I need to be sure with my heart, right? So, while I'm considering, I'm also evaluating you." I looked seriously into Brad's eyes and saw a light slowly emerging in those quiet pools.
Brad stared at me in surprise, his big hands wanting to hug me but hesitating and awkwardly placing them behind his back. "Jane, are you serious? I didn't hear wrong, did I?"
I replied, "Yes, Brad, I'm serious. You didn't hear wrong. I don't know if my feelings for you are love, so I need to think about it. Brad, are you willing to wait a little longer? I can't guarantee the outcome, but I promise to consider it carefully."
Brad was a bit happy, acting like a young boy in love for the first time, trying hard to suppress the smile on his lips but failing as it curved higher. His red eyes turned into a sea, and I smiled slowly in his ocean.
"Jane, I'm willing to wait. As long as it's you, I can wait a lifetime. As for the evaluation, Jane, I won't let you down." He raised his hand to scratch the short hair on the back of his neck, the tear mole at the corner of his eye glistening, and the joy in his eyes seemed to overflow.
"Until I make a decision, can we stay the way we were before?" I asked.
Brad agreed.
Then, my stomach growled, and Brad laughed, saying he'd take me to eat.
We walked out of the corridor side by side. He habitually tried to hold my hand, but as soon as his fingertips touched mine, I jerked away like I'd been shocked, my face burning.
Brad looked at my blushed face with satisfaction, his smile becoming even more charming. "Jane, you react to me. I believe we'll have a beautiful ending."
Embarrassed, I didn't dare to look at him, silently cursing myself for being so shy. 'We've held hands countless times before, so why am I suddenly so shy now?'
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