Chapter 182: Desolation
I tried to keep it together, but my words came out all jumbled.
That's when it hit me—Brad was my everything. Without him, I'd be a zombie.
Somehow, my feelings for Brad had gotten so deep, even I was shocked.
Brad hugged me so tight I could barely breathe. With tears in his eyes, he said, "Baby, I don't hate you. I know you did it for me. It's my fault for not making you feel safe. I'm sorry, Jane, my baby, I'm sorry. But it's not all bad. Why don't you believe I can fix this? You're breaking my heart."
Brad kissed me, and I kissed him back like a crazy person. My old wound opened up, and blood trickled from my mouth.
In that moment, we clung to each other, lost in our own world.
He held me, shutting out everything else.
I snuggled into him, feeling like I had everything I needed.
In our little bubble, just the two of us, we kissed like there was no tomorrow.
Maybe there wouldn't be another chance, so I went all in one last time.
The tears on my face dried up, but my heart was still crying rivers.
I'd never see the light of day again.
"Brad, I love you, forever and always. From now on, my body might be in hell, but my heart's in heaven."
"Baby, I love you, forever and always. From the moment I saw you, I knew I'd never marry anyone else."
"No, Brad, I don't want you to suffer because of me. There are so many good girls out there. As long as you're happy, I'm happy."
"Why don't you get it? You are my happiness. Without you, I'll never be happy."
I grabbed my chest, then placed my hand on Brad's heart. "Brad, I've given you my heart. You are my heaven."
Brad held my hands against his chest, his voice rough, "Jane, my heart is yours, only yours. Trust me, we'll get through this."
I was so wrapped up in our love, I didn't think about what Brad meant by saying he could fix things, or why he kept asking me to trust him.
It wasn't that I didn't trust him; I just felt bad for him and didn't want him stuck between his family and me.
The emergency room doors swung open, and two young nurses wheeled out a gurney, calling, "Daniel's family, come get the patient."
Brad and I let go of each other and followed the gurney to the observation room.
"The patient is fine, just fainted from stress. If everything's okay tonight, he can go home tomorrow morning," the nurse said before leaving.
Brad and I sat on either side of the bed, silent from dusk till late at night.
My heart hurt so much it went numb.
In the dark, Brad spoke first. He asked if I was really going to push him away, if this was my final decision.
I told him I didn't want to push him away, but things were too tense between the three of us. Someone had to step back, or we'd all get hurt. I didn't want Brad to get hurt.
A weak smile crossed his face, and he asked if I'd regret it. I couldn't answer because this was never what I wanted. But what good was regret? We had to deal with this.
The nurse said Daniel would be out for a while. They gave him a sedative to chill him out.
The lights in the ward went off at nine. Brad and I just sat there in the dark.
I kept staring out the window, and Brad kept staring at me, his eyes cold. I knew he blamed me, and he had every right to. I did what I could. At least our love wasn't for nothing.
I didn't dare turn around or look at him. I was scared that if I saw his eyes, I wouldn't be able to go through with it.
My heart hurt so bad. Let it hurt like this forever.
Only then would I know I was actually alive.
As dawn came, I couldn't hold on and fell asleep.
When I woke up to the sounds in the hallway, I found Brad's coat over me. The chair on the other side of the bed was empty.
Had he left?
The world felt so lonely when I was alone.
There was a rustling on the bed.
Daniel's eyes opened, not very bright but clear. "Jane, is that you? I can smell you."
"It's me," I replied softly.
He smiled, happy like a kid with candy.
He reached out his hand. "Jane, can you hold my hand? I want to feel you."
Brad pushed the door open just in time to hear this. His eyes immediately clouded over, his hand stiffening on the doorknob. He stared at my hands hanging by my sides.
Instinctively, I hid my hands behind me and said lightly, "Put your hand under the blanket, don't catch a cold."
Daniel's hand trembled a bit, then quickly retracted under the blanket, obediently saying, "Jane, I'll do whatever you say, as long as you're by my side."
You were good, but I was not!
I wanted to ask him if he knew I didn't like him, so why force me to be with him? He knew we wouldn't end well together, so why stubbornly refuse to let go?
But I had no right to ask.
Because he had made himself so miserable to save my life.
When he was discharged, the doctor said Daniel's emotions were unstable and he needed someone to stay with him.
I suggested hiring a caregiver. After all, caregivers were professional and would take better care of him than I could.
But Daniel didn't like the idea. He said he couldn't stand having someone else around him and didn't want anyone else touching him.
There was no choice. Every day except for when I was in class, I spent all my time with him. At night, before lights out, I would return to my apartment.
Brad said it was too late and not safe for a girl to be alone. Then Daniel said he would send me back together. So every day, Brad would carry him to the car, take me back to my apartment, and then take him back, carrying him up to the sixth floor.
The feeling of three people in one room was really awful. Whenever I moved, he would act like a surveillance camera, asking where I was going and what I was doing, then following me in his wheelchair.
Even when I went to the bathroom, he would wait at the door, watching me like a prison guard.
Often, the whole day would pass without Brad and me having a chance to say a single word.
These days were truly torturous!
Larry said the company's proposal was ready and asked me to come to his office for a meeting.
After class, I went to find Larry. By chance, I ran into Brad on a small path.
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