Chapter 46 Never Again
"Alright, behave. No excuses. You made me so mad, and you didn't even notice. I haven't even had a chance to talk to you, and now, after just a few days, you've lost weight again. All that effort to gain weight, gone," Brad said.
I looked out the window, pretending not to care if he stayed or left. He had no right to lecture me anymore.
"Why aren't you eating?" Brad flicked my forehead, but I dodged.
"I am eating. Every day. Brad, you don't need to worry about me. Go be with Jenny," I said, sniffling, a bit angry. "I can take care of myself."
I had been eating, so why was I losing weight? All that food, wasted.
"You're as thin as a stick, and you say you're eating? Stop overthinking. Focus on getting better. I'll stay with you, watch you eat, and make sure you gain weight," Brad said, letting me lean against his chest. I could hear his steady heartbeat and smell his pine scent.
"So you're not leaving? You'll take care of me every meal?" I asked.
"Yes, every meal, every day. Jane can eat whatever she wants," Brad said, his voice low and hoarse. He looked at me with such tenderness it hurt.
"But you ignored my calls and texts. I thought you were done with me. Why show up now?" I couldn't hold back the tears. I cried, feeling wronged, wiping my tears with both hands.
"I never meant to leave you, Jane. I was just mad," Brad said, tucking my hands under the blanket and wiping my tears. His warm breath on my face made me feel dazed, unable to believe he was really back.
Why did he come and go without telling me?
"Did I do something wrong? I know you're mad, but I've been thinking and can't figure out what I did. No one would talk to me," I said, crying harder, struggling to breathe.
I didn't understand. When Daniel humiliated me, I felt more anger than sadness. But Brad's disappearance for a few days made me feel like dying.
"Silly girl, I endured so many days, and you still don't get it. I'm an adult. I know what I want. I can handle my feelings and don't want you pushing me to someone else," Brad said, holding me and patting my back like a child.
"I didn't push you. I just delivered a letter. Jenny was persistent. I thought if I didn't give it to you, she'd find another way. The letter would end up with you anyway. It was easier for me to give it to you. I never meant to push you to anyone. When you and Jenny left together and disregarded me, it hurt. I thought you, who treated me the best, didn't want me anymore. So I cried."
I pulled away from Brad's embrace, wanting to hide under the blanket.
I hated myself for always crying, for being so weak.
I didn't want to be like Zoe, using tears as a weapon.
Brad chuckled and pulled me back, pressing his forehead against mine. "So, are you still going to be the messenger for other girls?"
I shook my head. "No, I won't."
"Do you still want to help me find a girlfriend?" he asked.
"No, I won't. Brad, I'm sorry," I said, apologizing.
I finally understood. Brad was mad because I delivered a letter from another girl.
Looking back, I was too hasty.
Brad never told me what kind of girl he liked. I took it upon myself to deliver the letter, which could have messed things up for him.
"Good, I knew Jane was the best. I'm sorry for leaving you alone for so many days. It won't happen again. Did you miss me?" Brad's eyes were deep, like a bottomless vortex, always tempting me to jump in.
"I did. I looked for you every day, but the studio was empty. You didn't answer your phone, and neither did Matthew. I thought something happened to you. I couldn't find you and cried every night. I didn't know why you were angry, and I was scared every day," I recounted.
Brad's eyes filled with pain. He held me tighter, his chin gently rubbing the top of my head. "This time, it was my fault. Jane, will you forgive me? From now on, no matter how angry I am or where I go, I'll always tell you."
"Got it, I'll remember that. If this happens again, I'll cut you off and we're done. Brad, are you truly back? You're not pulling my leg, are you?"
Brad's eyes darkened. He pressed his cheek against my forehead, moving it back and forth slowly. "I never left you. I've been with you every day, just where you couldn't see me. I was just angry that you pushed me to someone else and wanted to punish you a little. Making you sad was my fault. I'm sorry."
"Alright, I'll forgive you this time. Brad, I'm so hungry. Without you, nothing tastes good. You've turned me into a fool."
Brad laughed. "Alright, no more tears from Jane, deal? Hungry? I'll find out from the doc if there's anything you can't eat."
"I want beef burgers, hot dogs, egg tarts..." I was listing everything I wanted to eat when someone knocked on the hospital room door.
Brad opened the door, and Jenny walked in with a fruit basket, smiling. She placed the basket on the small cabinet and sat at the head of my bed. "Jane, how are you?"
I pouted and forced a smile.
Having just reconciled with Brad, I was in a good mood and chatted with Jenny for a while.
After about ten minutes, Jenny said she had other things to do and had to leave, telling me to take care of myself. Brad tucked me in and went out to see Jenny off.
The hospital room was a standard six-person room without a private bathroom, but I was the only one in it.
Having just finished an IV, I needed to go to the restroom, so I had to use the public one outside.
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