Chapter 119 Breaking the Appointment
"Waiting for you is my favorite thing."
Brad's almost thirty and still single, not because he hasn't found someone, but because he's been waiting for some reason.
The bitterness in my heart kept growing. 'What about me? If he loves someone else, why did he confess to me? Why say I'm the one he's always liked? Brad, after confessing to me and me agreeing to think about it, then declares his love for someone else. What do I mean to him? Am I just a placeholder?'
I felt sad and angry.
I opened Brad's Facebook chat, held down the voice button, and wanted to ask him why he treated me this way.
Five seconds into the message, my mind went blank. I didn't know what to say or how to question him. By eleven seconds, I still hadn't spoken and hung up in frustration.
I couldn't describe my feelings—bitterness, sadness, disappointment, and a bit of jealousy.
I resisted the urge to call him, my mind a chaotic mess, with countless images flashing before my eyes, leaving me utterly confused.
I didn't know when I fell asleep. When I woke up in the middle of the night, the room light was still on, and the bunny pillow Brad gave me was wet.
I thought I had cried. I touched the corner of my eye, but there were no tears, just dampness. The skin nearby tingled slightly.
I found my phone and turned it on with anticipation. No missed calls or Facebook messages.
On the News Feed, the teacher from last time had posted a new update. The picture was clear. The white light illuminated the two people in the booth. Brad's deep gaze was on the girl in the long dress beside him. She shyly twirled her hair, smiling sweetly.
I once thought Brad's care and affection were mine alone, that it would be mine forever. I never thought he'd leave me behind. I always believed I was the most important person in his heart.
Today, I realized that once a man loves someone, other women, even a sister he grew up with, get excluded.
I never imagined Brad would show his gentle side to another girl and then abandon me, not even calling for days.
Maybe this is how Brad and I will be from now on.
Was I sad? Yes, a bit.
Was I disappointed? Of course. How could I not be when the person who used to care for me suddenly distanced himself? But what right did I have?
I threw my phone aside, telling myself Brad had found someone he liked. Wasn't that what I had hoped for? I should be happy for him. But for some reason, I just couldn't be happy.
Back then, I didn't get why I was so sad and upset. I just convinced myself it was normal and bound to happen eventually. It just came out of nowhere, and I wasn't ready for it.
I kept telling myself to get used to this new Brad and this new me.
But no matter what, I couldn't accept or forgive Brad for confessing to me, not waiting for my answer, and then declaring his love for another girl.
He promised me, and he broke it. That was on him.
Thinking about it, I felt betrayed.
I wanted to call him and ask what he meant, if he didn't need my answer anymore. But every time I dialed, I couldn't press call. I was scared.
I was scared that if the answer wasn't what I wanted, I wouldn't know what to do.
This wasn't the first time I'd been abandoned. Last time, I got scolded for seeking the truth. Today, I don't even wanted to ask; I can't stand being humiliated again.
I had my pride too.
I remembered what Helen said. She hoped I'd never get tangled up with the Pitt family again. There were plenty of guys out there; I didn't need to be with the Pitt boys.
I always thought Brad was different from Daniel. He said he wouldn't let me lose.
But I wasn't even ready, and I had already lost it all.
For the first time, I felt real disappointment.
After a rough night, I wanted to get up, but my eyes were dry and sore. I looked at myself on my phone and was shocked. My eyes were bloodshot, and my cheeks were swollen. I looked like a vampire buried for a thousand years, haggard and scary.
It was the first time I'd made myself so miserable over a guy.
Helen was right; I shouldn't have to be with the Pitt boys. It would only hurt.
'The Pitt boys always hurt and upset me. Why do I still crave their warmth and care?' I told myself, 'forget it, Jane. You'll get through this. Don't be sad anymore. If love only brings pain, then it's better not to have it.'
I got out of bed and groggily went to wash up. Looking at my pitifully haggard self in the bathroom mirror, I decided I would learn to live alone, not rely on anyone, and not easily have expectations for anyone.
The welcome party started at eight in the evening.
At four in the afternoon, I began getting ready for the performance.
My swollen face from crying all night was perfect for a slightly heavier evening makeup. I put on a snow-colored long dress with silver sequins on the hem, combed my washed and conditioned long hair, and let it fall naturally behind me. I found the white pearl sandals I had recently bought while shopping with Brad, grabbed my beloved guitar, and walked out of the apartment.
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