Chapter 178: Deadlock
After half a year, my thing with Brad got jinxed again.
First, it was his mom; now, it's his little bro.
We were just in love, what did we do to get cursed by them one after another?
I didn't wanna cry, and I shouldn't cry.
I was straight-up in love, just wanting to love someone with all my heart. I did nothing wrong, so why would I cry?
But the tears didn't care, they just kept coming, soaking my coat.
'Daniel, you didn't want me back then, and now you're here demanding stuff, why do you keep messing with my life?' I murmured to myself.
I pushed open the half-closed door, and the scene inside hit me hard.
There were glass shards everywhere, a busted computer on the floor, an overturned chair, and the leather sofa had slashes with yellow foam spilling out like wounds that wouldn't heal.
Daniel had this old scar on his left ankle, not bleeding but swollen and scary. His clothes were filthy, his hair a mess, and his face was a mix of tears, snot, and blood.
He was lying there like a homeless, disabled beggar.
I hated him for saying those things, but seeing him so broken, I swallowed my words, and my hate kinda faded.
I could only cry, letting the useless tears flow endlessly.
I didn't know I was such a weak person, only able to cry when faced with problems.
I hated him, but I also felt sorry for him.
He saved me, no matter his initial intention.
In our childhood, we had good times.
Even though those good times got swallowed by the years, they did exist.
Hate? What right did I have!
"Jane? Why are you here?" Brad was shocked to see me, he reached out a hand, wanting to hold me.
I grabbed that icy cold hand, telling him I followed him here.
Brad's eyes were filled with deep panic and pain. He didn't want me to come, didn't want me to see this mess, and didn't want me to get hurt by Daniel again.
Hearing my voice, Daniel got even more frantic, crawling towards me, saying, "Jane, you came to see me, I knew you wouldn't abandon me. Jane, where are you?"
I wanted to let go of Brad's hand to help Daniel up, but Brad tightened his grip, refusing to let go. He looked at me painfully, slowly shaking his head, pleading, "Jane, don't. Please go back to the apartment, I'm here."
The deep pain in Brad's eyes pierced my heart, and seeing Daniel on the ground made my eyes bloodshot.
One was the guy I wanted to spend my life with, the other was the guy who got disabled saving me.
Both wanted me, what should I do? Who could tell me?
I knew gratitude isn't love, but does someone who betrayed gratitude still deserve the sweetness of love? If love was built on gratitude, was it still pure?
"Jane, say something, I can find you by your voice, Jane!"
His hands were flailing around, and seeing him so helpless made my heart ache. His injuries and blood made me feel like my heart was being ripped apart.
My heart was about to shatter, it hurt so much!
I yanked my hand free, crying as I bent down to hold him. I said, "Daniel, I'm here, don't be like this, let me help you. C'mon, get up"
Daniel grabbed my hand, struggling to sit up and held me tightly, crying and laughing, saying, "Jane, you came, you came to see me, I knew you couldn't leave me. Jane, I like you, don't leave me, don't abandon me."
He said, "Jane, I have no legs, no eyes, it's all okay. As long as you're here, as long as I have you, I don't need anything else."
He said, "Jane, don't abandon me. You're all I've got in this world."
He said, "Jane, talk to me. You still care about me, right? You won't leave me just because I'm disabled, right?"
I couldn't speak.
His embrace was so cold, and his bones poked me painfully. He was so thin, yet held me so tightly.
His scent was no longer the familiar orange, but filled with cold and endless darkness.
I didn't want him to hold me, didn't need his embrace, but how could I push him away? He was so desperate, so in pain, even sitting up took so much effort, all of this was because of me, how could I push him away!
Didn't want to be held, couldn't push away, I could only cry.
I knew in my heart, the one I loved was Brad, Daniel was a responsibility I couldn't push away.
What could I do, what should I do, who could tell me!
Brad suddenly exploded, he forcefully pulled Daniel away, throwing him on the sofa, and grabbed my wrist to make me stand up.
I hadn't steadied myself as he roared at me, "Who said you could come here? Get out! You're not welcome here, get out!"
Brad used a lot of force, I was thrown against the wall, hitting my still injured shoulder, and the pain made my face change, cold sweat pouring out, unable to speak.
Seeing my changed expression, he suddenly sobered up, the pain in his eyes covering the anger, he reached out his arms wanting to hold me.
The injury hurt, Brad's anger also hurt, but I didn't blame him.
My mind was in chaos, one moment it was Daniel's overwhelming despair, the next it was Brad's bottomless pain, both of them staring at me, waiting for my choice.
How should I choose? For love? For gratitude? Or for myself?
I didn't know, I couldn't find the answer.
My head hurt like it was being stabbed. I screamed and ran out the door.
The moment I rushed to the stairwell, I heard Daniel's explosive despairing scream and Brad's choked call.
I stood in the stairwell for a full five minutes.
The hallway quieted down.
Brad didn't come after me.
The phone didn't ring either.
Me, Brad, Daniel, family, love, gratitude.
This was a deadlock.
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