Chapter 529 Really Dirty
Mia followed me. She had lost too much over the years. I couldn't give her more, but at least I shouldn't let her lose more.
I told my parents I needed to think about it, and they didn't refuse. Or maybe they knew I would definitely agree to their demands because I couldn't afford to gamble.
Yesterday afternoon, my dad called and said I had to make a decision within two days, or they would take action.
I was cornered because I really didn't know how to tell Mia these things.
I couldn't even imagine how much it would hurt if Mia left with her luggage, and whether I could live like a human being for the rest of my life.
So I gathered a bunch of friends to go drinking.
I drank too much, I know, because I made a decision, a shameless and conscienceless decision.
Thinking about what I would face tomorrow, I felt hopeless and drank even more.
Before I lost consciousness, I handed my car keys to my assistant. With my last bit of clarity, I told him that no matter what state I was in, he must take me home, even if it meant taking me to the Price Manor, but never leave me outside.
Because even if we were breaking up, I wanted to part with Mia cleanly, because she deserved it.
But I underestimated my parents' shamelessness.
To achieve their goal, they didn't hesitate to frame their own son.
The assistant was someone I chose myself. He was very loyal, and the only ones who could make him compromise were my parents.
And my shameless parents, seeing that I had been missing for over ten days, got anxious. They were also afraid that I would regret it once I sobered up, so they went all the way and sent me to Maeve's bed.
I had sex with Maeve. How could I face Mia now?
Mia cares so much about the purity and cleanliness of love. She wanted to be with me for a long time. She wanted to prove to her parents through a happy marriage that her choice was right and that she was happy.
But what about me? What did I do?
My parents used their shamelessness, and I used my incompetence to shatter all of Mia's illusions, pushing the once intimate distance between us further and further apart, until it became an unbridgeable chasm.
As long as the news of me having sex with Maeve gets out, Mia and I would never have a future. I understand that.
I suddenly had a wild idea: maybe I could deceive Mia once, pretend nothing happened. After all, I really have no memory of the process; I am a victim too.
But my parents wanted me to compromise so badly that they would shamelessly keep evidence, like recordings or video files.
The thought of my parents holding a video of me having sex with Maeve as a tool to control me made me feel like I had eaten something disgusting, so much so that I wanted to die.
I am destined to let Mia down in this life, but I never thought I would have sex with another woman before breaking up with her.
Maeve, seeing my silence, stopped clinging to me and sat on the side crying with a blanket.
She cried and talked, saying she had liked me since she was a child, that our marriage had been arranged since we were young, that it hurt her to see me love someone else all these years, and that it was okay if I didn't want to marry her; she could pretend nothing happened. After all, she had given me her most precious first time, and it was worth it for her.
Her crying annoyed me.
I left her and went to the bathroom to take a shower.
I took a brush from the bathroom, not knowing what it was for, and scrubbed myself desperately. I felt so dirty!
But even though the hard bristles of the brush scraped my skin until it bled and hurt like hell, I still didn't feel clean.
My mind was full of Mia and the nearly five years we spent together, all the happy and angry moments, everything.
Then I realized I was scared.
I had never been this terrified.
Mia has a cleanliness obsession with love. If she knew what I did, she would never forgive me.
She would definitely turn and leave, no matter how much I begged.
And I, what right do I have to beg her?
I regretted it. If I had listened to my friend's advice and left with Mia, none of this would have happened.
But I hesitated. Now I can't even be sure if my hesitation was due to my parents' pressure or my inherent greed for the affluent life I had always known.
It was my fault. I deserved it.
I changed my clothes and left without saying a word to Maeve.
She cried and asked why I treated her that way.
What did she have to cry about? She wasn't wrong to like me, but I couldn't tolerate her teaming up with my parents to deceive me.
That day, I did nothing. I went to the home Mia and I shared. I didn't dare to see her, hiding in a corner, watching her take the bus to work alone.
After half a month of not seeing her, there was no smile on her face. She had lost a lot of weight, and her clothes hung loosely on her.
How could my Mia not have a smile, how could she not be beautiful?
I frantically called various brand stores, asking them to pack and send all the new season's items, and then called the jewelry store to order a set of jewelry for her.
Then I followed her to her company, and when she received the delivery call, her bitter smile made my heart ache like it was being pricked by needles.
She came back in the evening, had the delivered clothes and jewelry moved into the house, and then sat on the living room sofa in a daze, not even glancing at the items lying on the floor.
Yes, what was I doing? I was humiliating her.
If she liked those things, why would I be in such pain?
The phone in my hand rang. It was Mia.
My heart raced with excitement. I wanted so much to hear her voice.
But I didn't dare.
I could only watch the phone ring stop and the screen go dark like a coward.
We had been in love for five years, and now I didn't even dare to answer Mia's call.
That night, I went back. When Mia saw me come in, she was stunned for a moment, then politely asked if I wanted to eat the spaghetti she had cooked.
I couldn't help but hug her. I wanted to kiss her, to have her, to hear her call me Benjamin with a trembling voice.
But I didn't dare, and I couldn't.
I was already so dirty, I couldn't dirty her too.
At night, my body was clamoring as if I had taken an aphrodisiac.
It had been so long since we last saw each other, so long since we were together. I missed her so much, and I wanted to make love to her even more.
But I held back. I took two cold showers and still didn't go to her.
Because I didn't deserve it.
She slept soundly, with her back to me, not moving at all.
But I knew she wasn't asleep. She just didn't know how to face me, how to face our relationship.
Just like I couldn't face her.
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