Chapter 175: Letting Go
Helen clutched Emma's hands, tears streaming down her face, mumbling "I'm sorry" and "Thank you" over and over.
Brad and I held onto each other tight, me snuggled up in his arms. He was warm as always, but my heart felt like ice.
Day by day, I was falling harder for Brad, wanting to be with him more and more.
But the image of Daniel, lying there all bloody on the ground and in the hospital bed, haunted me.
Emma's words were a comfort, but what about Daniel? The guy who risked his life for me and saved me? Could I really just ditch him?
If one day he lost all hope and chose to end it all because of depression, how would I deal with that?
If I had to choose, my heart screamed Brad. But logically, Daniel got hurt saving me, so I owed him. I couldn't just be heartless and ignore him.
No matter what, it was a tough call!
'If I chose Brad for love, would we really be happy in the end?' In the stillness of my heart, I contemplated.
"No, Jane. I can't lie to myself." In the dark, Brad seemd to hear my inner voice. He held a cigarette, his fingers trembling, giving a painful answer.
Yeah, we wouldn't.
Maybe no one would.
"But Jane, even if I have to live with regret and guilt forever, I don't want to let you go. Promise me, no matter what, never let go of me. Jane, promise me, I beg you."
"Okay, I promise." To calm Brad, I quietly leaned into his arms, finding comfort in his scent despite the strong smell of nicotine.
That night, neither of us could sleep. We just sat there till dawn, no tears, no words.
We were so close, yet it felt like we were miles apart.
Daniel lay there like a zombie, eating when fed, drinking when given, staring at the ceiling when not eating or drinking, unresponsive to everyone, then falling into a deep sleep when no one was watching.
He turned himself into the living dead.
Hugh and Emma took a long leave to care for Daniel. Brad taught during the day and stayed at the hospital at night, giving Hugh and Emma a break.
On the twenty-third day after the accident, the doctor said Daniel's physical injuries were healed, so he could go home.
Hugh rented a two-bedroom apartment across from the school and moved in. Brad got a temporary leave for Daniel.
Emma wanted to take him back to Sunhaven for better care, but somehow, they decided to keep him in Regalia to recover.
It seemed like everything was back to normal.
I went back to my routine of class, cafeteria, and apartment. Life hadn't changed much, except Brad showed up less and didn't call every day. When I did see him at school, he looked thinner each time, his old coat hanging off him.
My heart felt heavy, partly from guilt over Daniel and partly from feeling bad for Brad working so hard.
A quick hug and a warm smile from him always made my day.
During that time, I often wandered the path to Brad's rental house, just to see him, hug him, and let him hug me.
I missed him so much.
No one told me how Daniel was doing, and Brad never mentioned it, only asking me to take care of myself.
He said everything would pass.
By mid-April, Regalia was heating up like crazy.
In just a few months, at twenty-three, I’d grown up a lot. I could hide my feelings—happy, mad, sad, or worried—behind a smile like a pro.
Mindy said I’d turned into a robot.
I laughed it off, but she was dead serious, saying if love hurts, it’s better to ditch it.
I got what she meant, but I couldn’t let go. The problem wasn’t my love for Brad; it was Daniel.
I wiped her tears and asked, "If it were Louis, could you let go?"
She went quiet, then cried herself to sleep.
She thought I couldn’t let go of love. I didn’t tell her I could never give up Brad. Love wasn’t painful for me; it was the guilt over Daniel.
Lately, I kept dreaming of Daniel before he turned eighteen. He’d stand under the vines in the small garden, looking at me with those cold eyes.
He’d grab my backpack, swing it over his shoulder, and walk ahead, turning back to hurry me up so we wouldn’t be late.
During PE, when I fell and scraped my knee, he’d grumble about my clumsiness but run to the clinic to get medicine and bandages.
We had some good times. But too much happened, and those happy moments got buried under pain and resentment.
There was no love left between Daniel and me. I used to blame him for being cold and ruthless, but in the end, I just wanted him to live well, like he used to.
I couldn’t love him, but I didn’t want to owe him.
On Friday afternoon, with no classes, I went to the corridor alone.
So much had happened in the past six months, I hadn’t had time to visit my favorite spot.
The scenery was the same, but I wasn’t as relaxed as before.
Here, I’d argued with Daniel.
Here, I’d made promises with Brad.
Today, I came back. The place was the same, but the people were gone.
"Brad, it’s been six days. How are you?" I hugged my knees, sitting on the bench, whispering to the wind.
I didn’t dare contact Brad for no reason. He was working hard for our future. I was scared calling at the wrong time might set Daniel off, making things worse, and all Brad’s efforts would be for nothing, making our future even more hopeless.
But I missed Brad. He’d become an essential part of my life over the years.
After everything, I realized my feelings.
I loved Brad. It was a deep, passionate love.
Brad, out of my sight, was enduring unknown sufferings every day, while I quietly waited for him to bring me peace and joy.
He did everything for me silently. I felt sorry for him and missed him even more.
During this time, Mindy rarely came back, leaving me alone in the apartment, cold and lonely, like the world had abandoned me.
Last night, when I called Helen, I couldn’t help but cry.
Helen comforted me, saying if I really liked Brad, I should fight alongside him. Because the future belonged to both of us, and we should face it together.
Log in with Google Account
Chapters
Favorite
Settings
