Chapter 188: Cruelty
"I've moved anything dangerous outta his reach, put up guards on the windows and balcony, and raised the door locks."
I watched Brad hustling around, but my heart kept sinking.
Could all this really stop someone who was dead set on ending it all?
If Daniel was determined to check out, all he needed was a rope, and there was no stopping that. What Brad was doing felt kinda pointless.
It all came down to what Daniel really wanted deep down.
After his suicide attempt, Daniel started sticking to me like glue. As long as I wasn't in class, he wanted me by his side 24/7, even insisting on holding my hand to make sure I was there, otherwise, he felt all kinds of insecure.
Honestly, sitting next to him was tolerable, but having him hold my hand and touch my skin? No way, not even for a second.
I told him I needed my hand to paint. If he held it, I couldn't work.
Then he suggested I move my easel to his room so he could be near me all the time. I shot that down, and he went on a hunger strike to protest.
He annoyed me so much that I flat-out ignored him, refusing to give in. He knew me well enough to know that the more he pressured me, the more stubborn I got, so he didn't dare push too hard anymore. All his demands fell through, but he clung to me even tighter.
When I was in a good mood, I didn't mind him. When I was in a bad mood, I'd yell at him to stop following me. He wouldn't respond, acting like he hadn't heard, just trailing me as he pleased.
One day, I got home a bit late 'cause I saw a vendor selling fresh cherries and bought two pounds on my way back. I wanted to show off my haul to Brad, but when I got home, I saw Brad in Daniel's bedroom, and they didn't hear me come in. They were having a serious convo.
Brad had his back to me, so I couldn't see his face. Daniel, sitting facing the door, had his head down, looking all indifferent.
The room was tense, and it was clear the convo wasn't going well.
"Daniel, your injury is my responsibility. Don't drag Jane into this. She's under a lot of stress because of you, and she's lost a lot of weight. If you really care about her, stop tormenting her and let her be happy, please."
"You don't need to say so much. I get it. You just like her and don't want me to be with her, right? But who made me like this? For whom did I do this? Fine, we don't have to be together, but can you give me back my eyes and legs? If not, don't act all high and mighty and judge me.
You two can't be together and feel miserable. What about me? Living in this endless darkness isn't miserable? You all say you care about me. If that's true, why make me give up on Jane? You like her, and so do I. We're even engaged, and you don't seem to care. I just want back what's mine. I haven't wronged you."
"Daniel, you're being unreasonable. I'm your brother, and I want the best for you more than anyone. I feel sad about what I can't do, but that's no excuse to torment Jane. Seeing her drowning in pain and guilt every day, doesn't it hurt you?"
"I can't see."
"Daniel, come on, be reasonable. Love's a two-way street. You can't force it. Doing this is just gonna make all three of us miserable."
"Then let’s all be miserable together. Better than me suffering alone," Daniel shot back, reckless as ever.
"I know you're pissed. This is all on me. If you wanna blame someone, blame me. Ask for anything, and if I can do it, I will. Just leave Jane out of it. Let her go, man, I’m begging you."
"Jane's mine. I ain't letting go, not in this lifetime. Forget about it."
Brad's tall frame wobbled a bit, and he clutched his head, letting out a cry of pain and despair.
I could picture Brad's breakdown.
This kind of convo had gone down countless times between Brad and Daniel lately, and it always ended the same way.
Daniel always hit where it hurt, just like that autumn, and now too.
Brad had always been the decisive type, but when it came to Daniel and me, he was stuck.
And this car accident, like he said, was his fault. He felt guilty about Daniel being disabled. But his feelings for me were so deep that he couldn't and wouldn't give up.
Trying to balance both sides, both equally important, was brutal if he had to choose.
Knowing this, since the incident, no matter how much pain and suffering I went through, I never thought of asking Brad to stand up for me. On the contrary, when Brad wanted to do something, I’d try to stop him.
In my darkest days, I even thought that if we couldn't get past this, I'd leave alone. It would hurt, but I was willing to endure it. Because I loved Brad, and he had done so much for me, I didn't want him to suffer more or even turn against his family for me.
These were just my thoughts, and I never told Brad. I was scared that if he knew, he might make some irrational, irreversible decision.
So, I kept comforting Brad while taking care of Daniel with everything I had. I kept all the pain and struggle to myself, pushing through.
It was tough and exhausting, but the thought of doing something for Brad kept me going.
I went back to Sunhaven once, and seeing how skinny I’d gotten, Ronan cried several times out of heartbreak.
Helen cried too, but not in front of me. She cried with Ronan when I was asleep.
Lately, I couldn't sleep well. Once I woke up at night, it was hard to fall back asleep. Then I’d hear Ronan and Helen’s muffled voices and sobs.
They cared for me but couldn't help me.
Ronan said if things really didn't work out, they’d take me and leave Sunhaven, give up their jobs and house, and start fresh in a new city. Anything to stop me from suffering. Helen disagreed, saying that would be too irresponsible. Because without Daniel, they would have lost me long ago.
Then there’d be a long silence in the room.
A life-saving grace had turned into an inescapable curse.
A curse was a curse, and this was my fate.
Helen was right. Without Daniel saving me, I might have died that morning. He became blind and crippled to save me, while I lived on. Doing more for him was my duty.
Like I said, I could do anything for him. I could give him my eyes, my legs, even my life. But love? I just couldn't
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