Book 3: Chapter 66
A/n: If you want to know what inspired this monster… look up Welcome to the Internet - Bo Burnham (from "Inside"), I heard it and I was like. ‘yup this is the tune you’d hear once you gained Norman’s attention lol
Shit I realize as the writer… this would probably be the thingy-ma-bob that comes after me lol
Xaxas
“You’ll see. Trust the process.” I told him, but I should be thanking him… in my rage I made this being … fuck he’s worse than Jack the Slasher… Oh I made him twisted….
Killing the wicked is his mate… There is no room in his heart to love anything else…
“Brother what the fuck is *that*?” Asked Asanguis.
“….It’s a *that* alright…” I mumbled.
“You’re wrong making him look like that… it is a him right?” Said Bryson angrily.
“You’re going to make his weenie like two feet long now aren’t you?” Asked Asanguis. “Give him a second one.”
“Oh, I like that.” I mumbled. It won’t need two…. But his true form is meant to terrify. What’s scarier than a steel dragon scaled, sharked mouth, longnecked centipede-dragon monster with Two flapping dicks coming out the walls?! Oh, and his legs and fingers can become tendrils. He had trouble with all those legs at first, and he kind of wiggled on his back until I gave him a whip tail and some wings for balance.
Since it’s a demigod, it won’t even need air, and will be able to traverse space. There is no escape. If a mortal tries shit like this again, on any world, they’re fucked.
“I don’t like that.” Said Bryson. “You’re making it *worse*.”
“You’re outvoted. He’s gettin’ two. Oh and laser vision!” I gave him god’s eyes.
“Stop Adding Stuff!” He growled. “But… You did this to prevent more death… ..It… It has my blessing so long as it never visits with the lights off.” He joked, Super rare for such a stuffy lil’ fart.
Oh….His true form is… a little much. I better make his human form unassuming.
\[Soul Generation Complete! Congratulations Three: Xaxashevaal, The God of Judgment! Please modify your demigod. Please assign titles now.\]
The clear, magic tablet Eskaal improved on was useful… I looked at his stats… something I added since I like video games. Funny how those old fucks complain about me gaming, yet, they *like* and use this feature too.
I made him *twistedly sadistic.*…. I made the internet a physical manifestation….
May the mortals be slain by their own re-making… All the concepts within the internet, all mortal knowledge… and everything stored on a god-console…
Half the wit of Eskaal, twice the strength of Uriel, the First Unicorn, all the heart of Kenriel, my sweetest general… that one died for my anger…. And to just say fuck it, a drop of my blood.
Now it is a demigod… and I am fully responsible for his behavior. But Fuck It. We NEED help. No more mortals should endure this if there is no war, and we already know how to do shit like this.
“You’re going all out.” Said Asanguis…. He noticed.
If anyone asks it’s a feature.
“I am. If this is happening on Urth and I’m supposed to manage everyone, I NEED a hunter out there.” I said firmly. That was true…. There are certain gods in a pantheon that are encompassed… like Arviel is every Sun… I am every Judge…. It’s why I’m Three…
I need to Be Three for all mortals if I’m going to be fucking three.
The energy of over two hundred thousand processed souls, enough of my personal energy to make a star, and my anger was fused together.
This creature will be *terrifying*.
“Rise Norman: The Web, The Informed One. The Seeking One.” I said with a sneer. “The Right Hand of Judgment.”
I did not want to give that one… one day I will have a son, but last I checked I have two hands. Such a distinction means that if he *needs* to, he may use all the power within my right hand. It is a boon given with hesitation, and I made a *fine*, quality soul to trust with it.
Norman was a 55 year old balding man with grayish brown hair in a tight man bun, and a pot belly. He was literally born in white collar clothes, a white shirt, black belt, OldBalance shoes, and kahki slacks pressed better than if he took them to the dry cleaners. He was just a generic mortal man you’d see every day, and completely forget about. Nothing special…
‘Just a human.’
Heh.
“What is my purpose master? Need your sink fixed?”
“…. Actually I do.” I said with a light smile. Harmony said I can’t keep fixing it with magic, since it’s starting to corrode the bathroom from my powers…. Like it’s needed to be fixed like 80years, but mortal objects weren’t made to be repaired like that.
“Your purpose is to hunt the wicked.” Said Asanguis. “Mass death is one thing, but so much for so little is another.”
“Seek out the wicked, and show them *no* mercy. If the X on their soul is purple, you may do with them as you please.”
I made a new kind of X… The purple comes from the combining of the red and black X’s that already exist… this way… alerts will be placed on souls who are unauthorized.
I tossed him keys to the condo on the eighth floor, condo 803. I *love* my teeny tiny tower… The thought of Norman changed my mood, a full 180 in my mate’s fun little phrases.
“Ah, there it is.” Norman sang. “I’ll be there ‘round 5 master. Someone has discovered something they shouldn’t….on… Zom’marz… About …. 15 solar systems past Ak’earth.”
So the boonies.
“And you have my permission to deal with it however you see fit.”
“…can I bring them here that you may watch?” He asked. Norman the Normal…. I’m wrong. I resisted the urge to chuckle.
“I release you, my first hunter, with my symbol on your left shoulder. Punish those who seek the forbidden, and hunt the forsaken.” I hissed.
He bowed. “So long as they don’t ruin the casserole I have planned, they’ll scream nice n’ good.”
“Ok….I want man casserole….” Admitted Asanguis.
“You’ve never had it?!” Bryson asked. “I thought I made it for Thankful day.”
“No you used beef so our mates would enjoy.” I mumbled…. Fuck that was Good too… Normally gods can’t cook, but he was raised mortal.
I want man casserole too… but I won’t admit it.
It was cheeky… but I implanted all my years of watching Foodie Network into his brain…. And taste buds to Fully appreciate all flavors….
……Also so he won’t pull a mom.
Ugh.
I have given a demigod my direct authority… one who will behave like I used to, but with Purpose…. His hate and anger are directed at a single point… with no sex drive.
All his passions are funneled into hunting. When an alert appears, he’ll get serious.
An eldritch terror will be just as likely to tell the ‘hi hungry, I’m dad’ joke than peel the flesh right off bone.
His true form is absolutely awful. He can even make slime under his scales to clean up after he does his work. I’m actually proud. I don’t usually make sea life based animals but he’s a dragon scaled shark that can breathe fire and run on all 20’s, oh, and climb on the ceiling, and the front 10 arms, and fingers, stretch like tentacles through the screens of computers and walls and such.
Also no dominant hand bullshit. He’s ambidextrous.
He has the ability to hide within…. *anything* that can store knowledge… including the brain of others… he’s the kind that won’t go directly in his victims… Each one will be an example, and be almost as a sacrifice. Each one will be a masterpiece..
I’m ecstatic. O! one more thing.
*The skittery centipede legs are now spider legs.*
*Norman can now make an auditory skittering sound when he runs across the ceiling.*
There is no escape from a telepathic, telekinetic shark that tells dad jokes.
He’s the only one. So normal and unassuming in its human form…. Even I feel like I went too far… like 4 rows of different kinds of teeth…so he can rip all kinds of flesh and bone…. Not a horn nor claw in sight right now though. His voice is the sound of a pleasant man who could tell you about the big game, or tell you that you’re learning too much…. And such a visage would confuse, or perhaps even put mortals initially at ease.
Norman disappeared and came back…. Purple X’s were already on some worlds… If we can catch them before they ruin their world, lives across the cosmos would be better for it.
“This one was trying to perfect zombification after their world actually managed to right itself.” He said summoning a clipboard. “He even had a few people he’d turned to test on. The way I see it, is that’s a level 10 no-no, so he gets a level 10 punishment. Master, if you don’t mind. On the way back I wrote up a few rules I found fabricated into my being.”
He found the rules already, and it had little checkmarks by all of them, and the paperwork was literally an agreement that he’d seen them, and he will follow orders. He’s made to find, stop, and nullify those who find forbidden magic, things we already know, and deem too much for whatever world he ventures to. He still only one being, so he can’t catch everything… but originally there was no one to fill this position.
My nephews deal with already ruined worlds. Those worlds are Supposed to be destroyed… these worlds are going to shit off schedule because of one dumb ass or another.
But he will catch the worst ones, and that’s enough for me at the moment.
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