Chapter 202 I Don't Want to Love You Anymore
"Alright." Isabella laughed again. "I admit, I've told you many lies before. To please you, to cater to you, for my own little schemes, to avoid making our relationship awkward, and so on."
Sebastian pursed his lips. "I know..."
"Yes, how could a smart person like you not see through it?" She said. "I told so many lies, and you easily saw through them every time. But Sebastian, my 'I love you'—is something you never wanted to believe."
He stiffened; his expression frozen.
"You probably don't know." Isabella looked at him, her expression very calm. "I never told Marcus that I loved him."
Sebastian's eyes were deep and unfathomable, like the ocean, impossible to see through.
He was looking at her with those eyes...
"What is love? I understand family and friendship love. I thought I understood romantic love too, after all, I had a boyfriend and a happy marriage in my future. Marcus was very good to me when we were together."
"He would always consider me in everything; he would listen to everything I said, never forcing me. When we were dating, he was always proper, never crossing the line. Whenever I seemed uncomfortable or unaccustomed, he would stop."
"So, when the Cooper family didn't support me, I was so desperate; I hated him so much. How could someone who used to be so good to me change so suddenly?"
"But then I met you, and I suddenly understood why I hated Marcus."
She looked straight at him.
Sebastian's voice was magnetic and slightly hoarse. "Why?"
Isabella spoke softly. "What I hated was that all his kindness to me suddenly disappeared. What made me sad and heartbroken was not... that he didn't love me anymore."
He raised his hand and gently wiped away the tear still hanging on her lashes.
His movements were gentle and slow, as if he were handling a rare treasure.
"But I feel differently about you," Isabella said. "Sebastian, every move you make tugs at my heart. A smile from you can make me happy all day, and I hum songs as I walk."
"If you frown, if you're in a bad mood, I can't help but wonder if you're facing some kind of problem. Can I help you? What can I do for you? Or, can I make you happy?"
"You're the center of attention wherever you go; there are always girls' eyes on you like nails. I would think, oh, this man, he's my husband."
Sebastian's Adam's apple bobbed, and he responded in a low voice. "I will always be your... husband."
She blinked and smiled. "Do you know? When Brittany said that I fell in love with you, I was dumbfounded. How could that be?! I vehemently denied it, even thought about avoiding you."
"But as time went by, I saw how special you were to Lynda, and my heart ached. I gradually realized that I have always loved you, but you have never given me real love."
"I was jealous of Lynda, really jealous. But what did she do wrong? Nothing, right... she just made you love her. It was me, Isabella, who overestimated myself, thinking that after so many days together, you might feel differently about me."
"Now, I shouldn't hold onto any hope or expectations anymore. Sebastian, your slap was really good, really."
At this point, she took a deep breath. "I was wrong... I was wrong from the beginning."
Isabella looked at Sebastian's face, so close to hers, and raised her hand, gently touching his eyebrows, his nose, and finally, the corner of his lips.
"I don't want to love you anymore, and I won't." She said. "Sebastian, loving you is a very tiring thing. I'm too tired; I want to rest."
After saying that, her hand slowly fell and was about to be withdrawn.
But Sebastian suddenly reached out and grabbed it, holding it tightly in his palm.
Isabella had already closed her eyes, leaning into his chest, not even wanting to look at him again.
"I heard you, I heard everything," Sebastian said. "I know you're telling the truth..."
But he didn't get a response from Isabella.
Such sincere words, all said at once, either meant she had gathered great courage, fighting a desperate battle for a result.
Or her heart was already dead. She didn't care anymore and just wanted to say it out loud, to keep it in her heart.
He looked down at her in his arms. "Isabella... then, then..."
Sebastian opened his mouth several times, but couldn't finish the sentence.
Finally, he lowered his voice very low. "Then, do you still love me now?"
After asking, the question sank like a stone into the sea, without any response.
Sebastian knew Isabella heard him, but she chose not to answer.
What else could he do? Force her, pressure her to say that she still loved him?
Although he could do that, and Isabella would say it, what would be the point?
An insincere, reluctant "I love you" sounded so harsh to the ears.
"Isabella, in the beginning, when you said it, I actually believed it somewhat. But I didn't dare to let myself believe it."
Isabella's eyelashes trembled slightly.
Sebastian continued, "Our meeting, our marriage, they were all destined for us not to talk about love. What we had was interests, mutual use, everything but love."
"We've been getting along well these past few days, but I understand that it was all you trying to please me. To avoid arguments, you deliberately pretended. But I think, if you're willing to keep pretending, I'm willing to be deceived by you."
Isabella slowly opened her eyes and looked at his sharp jawline.
She asked, "You're willing... to be deceived by me?"
"Yes." Sebastian nodded. "I even feel that it wouldn't be bad to spend a lifetime with you like this."
Isabella replied, "A lifetime is too long."
"Too long, too long." His voice gradually became hoarse. "Just seize the day."
She laughed a little in response.
Sebastian lowered his head and looked at her eyes. "In my life, I've never regretted anything. But now, I’m starting to regret one thing."
"There are still things in this world that are worth your regret."
"Yes." he said, "Isabella, if our meeting had been different, not at the gates of the Cooper family, not on that stormy night... perhaps, the outcome would have been different."
Such a meeting was destined to be without love, only discussing interests, not romance.
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