Chapter 164 Emotion Diary
Lisa got booted out by Debbie early in the morning. By noon, she hit up Elsa, saying her hubby busted his leg at the construction site and needed to take a leave.
Elsa, with her face all puffy, didn't want Lisa to see her like that, so she Venmo'd her a grand and told her to head home.
Lisa was all worried about Elsa and kept nagging her to take care of herself. Elsa said she would, but she was just saying it to get Lisa off her back.
Luke had no clue Lisa was off. When no one knocked on the door at dinner time, he just stayed put and didn't bother going downstairs to eat.
He locked himself in the study, feeling super annoyed.
A book was lying open on the desk; it was Elsa's.
"Ugh, seriously!?" Luke muttered, slamming it shut and shoving it back onto her side of the bookshelf.
Then, a plain notebook among the books caught his eye.
Elsa loved reading but rarely took notes, only scribbling down stuff when she got hit with inspiration.
She always said she could remember things without needing notes. Her pride and arrogance mostly came from her smarts.
Curious, Luke pulled it out.
The black leather cover had gold letters: Emotion Diary. On the title page, it read: [To: Elsa, be happy. Signed, Lily.]
Luke flipped through it. This notebook was probably a gift from Lily when Elsa first got back to the country and started seeing a shrink.
It detailed a bunch of her low moments, her feelings at the time, and how she got through them.
It even talked about her first suicide attempt, where Elsa downed 200 sleeping pills with a bottle of whiskey, regretting it the moment she swallowed them.
[How could I leave my brother alone in this cruel world?]
[Mom, it's just a few decades apart. I can endure it.]
The second attempt was after hearing some club guests gossip about her mom's suicide by jumping off a building. Overwhelmed with sadness, she took a fruit knife to the bathroom and slashed her artery, which explained the scar on her hand.
The most recent attempt was triggered by getting a CD from Karen left at her door. The depressive emotions overwhelmed Elsa. Despite telling herself to hold on, Elsa still broke down.
So it wasn't her seeking pain, but Karen!
She then detailed how she gradually pulled herself out of the depressive state. At the end, she left two lines blank and added a seemingly random sentence: [Luke is really nice.]
Elsa's reserved nature made this expression the most she could manage.
'She knows I'm good but doesn't appreciate it,' Luke thought, but his expression softening a bit.
The latest entry mentioned Luke hiding the fact that Margaret had come to see him. Elsa considered that if this happened five times, she would divorce him!
Luke stayed quiet upstairs, and Elsa sat downstairs until late at night, unsure if she should go up.
Given Luke's earlier attitude, he was probably still pissed. If she went up now, it would definitely lead to a fight. Debbie had just been here today and had probably already bad-mouthed her a lot.
Elsa curled up on the couch, feeling really down. She should have taken her meds hours ago, but the medicine box was upstairs.
'Screw it,' she thought. She reached into Luke's drawer where he kept his smokes, pulled out a pack, and lit one with shaky hands.
She smoked in silence until the fifth cigarette.
Elsa made up her mind to go up and talk to Luke.
If his choice was divorce, she would let him go.
Elsa felt like a stray cat that had luckily found a good owner and enjoyed a few days of a life that didn't belong to her.
In reality, divorce wouldn't mean losing anything; it would just be a return to her old life.
Elsa wondered if she could still adapt to her past life after being pampered by Luke for so long.
Before she could get up, she heard footsteps. Luke was coming downstairs.
He said, "Elsa, it's way past bedtime. What are you doing here?"
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