Chapter 934 What Connor Experienced Back Then
Connor studied Tom with furrowed brows, his hands clenched tightly.
Tom had changed dramatically. The spoiled trust fund kid who once drank excessively and turned Connor's apartment into a disaster zone had transformed. Back then, Connor had felt like Tom was sent specifically to torment him—their personalities fundamentally incompatible. As a top psychologist, Connor had resigned himself to the fact that Tom was unlikely to ever change.
But since his parents' death, Tom had become quieter, no longer the chatty nuisance he once was. His silence was actually concerning. Connor often worried that the trauma might have triggered psychological issues, so he'd been careful with Tom's emotional state.
Though Tom appeared functional, he'd started cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and even washing the bedsheets daily to accommodate Connor's need for cleanliness. He'd begun paying attention to Connor's preferences and habits.
This "normal" behavior, however, broke Connor's heart.
"Tom, stop acting like I'm throwing you out on the street," Connor sighed, pointing to a door less than six feet away. "Ethan's apartment is literally next door. Go crash there instead of looking so miserable."
Tom glanced at Ethan's door. "I don't want to go there. They're a proper family. It would just make me feel worse."
Connor recognized this tactic immediately—playing the sympathy card. Tom claimed he couldn't bear being around Ethan's happy family, that he'd feel like an outsider, a charity case.
Yet just yesterday, Connor had encountered Justin, Joe, and Casey in the elevator, with Casey complaining that Tom had shown up at lunchtime and stolen his custard tart. Hardly the behavior of someone feeling like an unwelcome guest.
Connor rubbed his temples. "Fine, you can stay. But if anyone asks, you need to say you're living at Ethan's. If reporters or anyone starts asking questions, you absolutely must say you're staying with Ethan."
Connor didn't want to drag Tom—a straight man—into his potential scandals.
"What happened?" Tom asked, sensing something was wrong.
"If you're still want to stay here in a few days, it's your choice," Connor said, too exhausted to argue further. He pushed past Tom and entered the apartment.
The aroma of home-cooked food—all Connor's favorites—filled the space. He was surprised but also frightened by how much it felt like home. He didn't want to grow attached to this feeling.
People always wanted more than they had, and he feared becoming dependent. Tom was just experiencing trauma response; eventually, he would move on, find a girlfriend, get married, start a family.
Connor knew he himself would never marry or have a family. He was destined to be alone.
"What do you mean 'if I'm brave enough to stay'? Are you dating someone? Planning to bring a woman home?" Tom frowned, confused.
They both knew the other liked women, yet for some reason, neither seemed eager for the other to start dating.
"Are you seeing someone outside? Are you falling in love?" Tom demanded, suddenly agitated.
Connor found Tom's chattiness irritating. After days of blessed quiet, he was back to being noisy.
"No," Connor said, his head throbbing.
Beck was vindictive. If Avery rebuffed him, he'd certainly come back to harass Connor with those videos. If Connor refused to be blackmailed, Beck would undoubtedly leak everything online. Those childhood memories, those experiences... normal people would find them disgusting.
This was why Connor hated the Hawthorne family, hated Owen, and why he was obsessively clean. It was why he knew he could never accept a woman or build a family. It was why, despite his feelings for Jasmine, he had pushed her toward Ethan instead.
He felt dirty. Too dirty to deserve anyone.
"I want to eat," Connor said wearily. "And for the record, I'm not dating anyone, nor will I. I'm asexual—I'm not attracted to men or women. I won't be starting a family or bringing anyone home."
Tom's tense shoulders relaxed slightly. "What's asexual? That sounds too clinical for me."
"Connor just said it—asexual means not being attracted to men or women," came voices from the doorway. Joe and Justin stood there with their backpacks.
Tom realized he'd left the door open.
"What are you guys having for dinner? Mom and Dad aren't coming home tonight—they're at Grandma's. Dad said we should stay with Uncle Connor," Joe announced, inviting themselves in.
Connor and Tom were apparently about to experience impromptu babysitting.
"Shouldn't you be with Betty?" Tom asked, finding children troublesome.
"Aunt Betty and Uncle Richard took Indigo to Moscow," Joe replied. With Evelina also away, the children had been left in Connor's care.
"Your dad's so irresponsible, just dropping you off downstairs?" Tom went to the window and saw Ethan's car still parked below. He called him immediately. "Ethan, how could you let the kids come up alone?"
"I saw Beck downstairs talking to Connor. Keep an eye on him for me," Ethan said, concern evident in his voice.
As one of the few people who knew about Connor's past, Ethan understood what Beck's presence might mean.
"Beck?" Tom asked cautiously, stepping into the bathroom for privacy.
"Don't ask questions you shouldn't, and definitely don't ask Connor. Just watch him—try to distract him so he doesn't sit alone with his thoughts," Ethan warned. He knew how severe Connor's depression and anxiety had once been.
Connor might think he was cured, but conditions like that never truly disappear. One trigger could bring everything rushing back.
As if on cue, the sound of shattering glass came from the kitchen. Connor had dropped his water glass.
His hand had gone numb again, and that familiar feeling of drowning was returning.
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