Chapter 596
Lillian glanced at him; dude looked like a total mess.
Jackson, the guy who was always so high and mighty, cool as a cucumber.
Right now, his shirt was all wrinkled, hair a bit wild, eyes red, stubble on his chin, and a few scratch marks on his neck and face.
Lillian thought, 'he must be feeling like crap too, all sad and broken.'
But looking at him like this, she felt nada, zilch.
Her empty eyes stared at him, and after what felt like forever, she croaked, "Hate you? I should, right? But how am I any better? I'm the one who deserves to be six feet under."
Lillian dropped her head, her hands resting on her empty belly, fingers slowly tangling together.
In her daze, she heard faint voices; she knew Max was okay.
That call from Mila and the hospital was just Bob's way of messing with her.
Jackson had left bodyguards to watch over her. If it weren't for Luke and Eulalia's help, she wouldn't know what would have happened to her by now.
So, what right did she have to hate anyone else?
She should hate herself more; she was such an idiot!
She had promised to protect Taylor, but she blew it and put Taylor in danger.
She didn't protect Taylor well; she was a terrible mom!
Hearing her say this, Jackson's guilt, regret, and pain didn't ease up one bit. Instead, it felt like she was rubbing salt in his wounds, making them sting even more.
His face changed a bit, and he suddenly yanked Lillian's hands out from under the blanket.
Seeing the bloodstains on her fingers from her own scratching, with fresh blood dotting her fingertips, Jackson's face turned cold and stern.
"Lillian, what the hell are you doing! Look at me!"
He cupped her face, his eyes red and burning.
"You did nothing wrong; it's all Bob's fault! You should hate me too; I failed to protect you, and I wasn't there when you needed me the most!"
Jackson was super worried. Lillian's body was already weak from childbirth, and now she had to deal with this emotional rollercoaster.
The doc said if her emotions went haywire, her body wouldn't handle it. But he was more worried that her self-blame and repression would lead to postpartum depression.
He'd rather she hate him than blame herself.
And he totally deserved to be hated!
Lillian stared at him blankly, her eyes filled with despair.
"Does hating you help? Will hating you bring Taylor back?"
Love and hate meant nothing to her anymore.
Jackson's fingers, cupping Lillian's cheeks, trembled slightly. She looked at him, but her eyes no longer held any emotion for him.
Jackson's breath hitched and he asked, "Lillian, do you never want to see me again?"
Lillian gazed at his bloodshot eyes, which were filled with intense emotions, but she didn't want to figure out what they meant.
Her pale lips moved slightly and said, "Yeah, seeing you reminds me of Taylor, reminds me of everything from last night, reminds me that while Taylor and I were struggling in pain, you were with another woman giving birth."
Lillian raised her hand, pulling away Jackson's big hands that were cupping her cheeks, and fell back onto the hospital bed, closing her eyes.
Slowly, she raised a bitter, self-mocking smile and continued, "Jackson, did you know? I had even forgiven you before. I believed you when you said we could start over. I was thinking that maybe, this time, we could finally be happy."
Lillian's voice choked up, and after a while, she let out a hoarse, sorrowful laugh.
Jackson stood by the hospital bed, looking at Lillian lying there like she had lost all her spark, his hands clenched tightly, his bloodshot eyes filled with turmoil.
He had actually sensed her softening towards him before. She accepted the people he arranged to be around her. She must have known about Eulalia contacting him daily and silently approved.
And that light smile she had in the car that day, every time he thought of it these past few days, his heart felt light, filled with hope.
He had planned his time, figuring out how to win her back, to date like a couple, to start over.
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